


Count your blessings

by BlueTee



Series: Soul Eater Ressonance Bangs [2]
Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Arranged Marriage, Cowboy/Ranch AU, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Found Family, Mind the Tags, Resbang 2020, inspired by another fic, resbang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29944041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueTee/pseuds/BlueTee
Summary: Prequel to Sleepmarshes's “Lodestar”, but it can be read separately. Nakatsukasa Tsubaki was eighteen years old when she fell in love for the first time. There was only one problem: she was already engaged to someone else.Ten years before the events of “Lodestar”, Tsubaki is an exchange student in her senior year in high school trying to adapt to a new language and costumes, while counting the days she has before going back to her arranged marriage. Blake Strickland, better known as Black Star, had always felt like an intruder in a family that wasn’t his. Yet, he knew this was his place in the world - he was only missing something that would make him call it home.A story about coming to age, falling in love for the first time, choosing your family and plotting to escape your arranged marriage.For Soul Eater Resonance Bang 2020
Relationships: Black Star/Nakatsukasa Tsubaki, Maka Albarn & Black Star, Nakatsukasa Tsubaki & Mifune, Spirit Albarn | Death Scythe/Kami
Series: Soul Eater Ressonance Bangs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2202216
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: Soul Eater Resonance Bang 2020





	Count your blessings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lodestar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11787630) by [Sleepmarshes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepmarshes/pseuds/Sleepmarshes). 



> It's Resbang time! This year's theme was "Season of the Witch". I decided to interpretate that as a feminist message so here we go: a story about a young girl finding her place in the world.
> 
> Thanks to the [mods](https://resbangmod.tumblr.com/) for keeping this event alive every year, and special thanks to [Sleepmarshes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepmarshes) who allowed me to borrow their [Lodestar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11787630/chapters/26582421) universe to tell Tsubaki's story. 
> 
> This year I was double blessed with two artists! You can hear [macabremermaid](https://macabremermaid.tumblr.com/) 's [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLy9RrPwRlwQ0ALCHaDLalc5dbjUCudjoz) while reading, and [here](https://strictly-non-specific.tumblr.com/post/645289386490167296/resbang-2020-theres-a-first-time-for-everything) you'll find [Sig](https://strictly-non-specific.tumblr.com/) 's amazing art. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It was Masamune’s suggestion.

Nakatsukaza Tsubaki, seventeen-years-old, recently graduated from high school, tried to keep her face devoid of any emotions, while hearing her older brother suggesting to their parents that maybe she should have a little time for herself before the marriage. Her fiance, Mifune, had made clear his intention of waiting at least one more year before the ceremony. He was five years older than her, and probably wasn’t excited with the prospect of marrying a teenager. Honestly, judging by his general demeanor, Tsubaki was convinced that he was only going through with it for the same reasons that she was:

Duty.

Tradition.

Family.

The marriage had been arranged when she was a child. The Nakatsukaza was a traditional family, bound by old costumes. She could trace their genealogy back to the Edo period – there were samurai and ninja blood in her veins; masters of katanas and famous gueixas from a time before those words became popular outside their country, before they were disposed of their meanings and became dreams for occidental kids.

Tsubaki’s dreams didn’t include any ninjas, or samurai, or gueixas, because she didn’t dream at all. She knew her place and her duty as the only daughter of Nakatsukaza. Her family had settled in rural Hokkaido after the War, and they had cultivated the rice fields ever since. Masamune would be the one to assume that family’s state after her father retired: for her, there was only the promise of marrying a good man, from a respected family.

Mifune wasn’t bad, as far as arranged grooms went. He was polite and respectful, and his family raised angus in the neighboring province. It would be a safe, peaceful life. She should thank her parents, really, for finding such a good marriage for her.

For that reason, Masamune’s idea came as a surprise.

He suggested that she should go on a trip, maybe through an exchange program. See the world a little, practice her English. Tsubaki was a good student, he said: it would be a great opportunity for her. Her future husband would appreciate it if she could help the family business.

“What do you think, Tsubaki?” her father asked, without smiling.

Her father didn’t smile easily. He was always calm, collected, and rarely showed much emotion. He had never raised his voice or his hand to her. Duty, tradition, family. He knew how to be a good husband, and a good father. Tsubaki was aware that if she asked for this one thing, he would give it to her, for Tsubaki also knew how to be a good daughter.

The possibility of being on her own for a whole year excited and scared Tsubaki a lot. However, the mischief she saw on Masamune’s eyes, a hint of malice behind his words made her hesitate.

_Masamune’s words are poison._

“Tsubaki?” her mother also asked, uncertain. Her mother, who married at sixteen, and never knew a life different from the one she had planned for her only daughter.

Maybe that thought was what propelled her to answer:

“I would like to go.”

* * *

There’s always someone who knows someone, as her grandmother used to say.

As it was, her grandmother’s best friend’s granddaughter was currently living in America. Once it was agreed upon that Tsubaki would go to the United States, it became imperative to find her a proper place to stay. Her father wouldn’t allow her to go to any of the big cities; her mother refused to let her be alone. The news that there was someone close to the family willing to receive her came as the perfect solution.

Grabbing her bag firmly with her right hand, while her left held her passport and hugged her handbag – her old blue school satchel, the only she had – closer to her chest, Nakatsukaza Tsubaki disembarked on American soil for the first time. Her body was stiff after the twenty odd hours of sitting in the uncomfortable chair in the economic class, too nervous to sleep and too afraid to get up and walk around. She would love a bath, food that tasted like _something,_ and, of course, to get ridden of this horrible sensation that she was about to get lost in a foreigner country...

“ _Tsubaki-san! This way!”_

The Japanese words cut through the cacophony and chaos of the terminal. With a relieved breath that dispersed most of her fears, Tsubaki almost ran to the tall brunette woman waiting for her with two plastic cups in hands.

“ _I’m Nakatsukaza Tsubaki, nice to meet you,”_ she said in Japanese, bowing her head. Her mother had insisted, more than once, that she didn’t forget her manners or their costumes just because she was far from home. _“Thank you so much for receiving me, Azusa-san. I’m in your care.”_

The older woman seemed a little startled at first, but she quickly bowed her head and answered in the same language. _“The pleasure is mine, Tusbaki. I’m Azusa Yumi, but feel free to call me only Azusa.”_ Straightening her back, she added, this time in English: “I know you are here to improve your language skills, so let's start getting you used to talking in English. You can also drop the head courtesies – most folks here won’t understand the significance of it.”

“Of course,” she said, blushing a little. Her mother had warned her that, although Azusa could speak Japanese fluently, she had been born and raised in America, so she shouldn’t be shocked if Azusa was not attuned to their costumes. At first, Tsubaki thought that it would be a barrier between them, but right now, she was thankful that Azusa would probably stop her before she made a fool of herself.

“I wasn’t sure if you drank coffee, so I bought you some tea,” Azusa said, offering her the smallest cup – the normal size one. Azusa was drinking a Starbucks’ trenta and Tsubaki wasn’t sure if she wanted to know how much caffeine was in there. “And I have some muffins too. You can eat in the car… Unless you want to hit the bathroom first?”

“Thank you for the food.” She bowed her head before she could catch herself. “And ahnn… No, we can go. I’ve already… we can go.”

Azusa smiled – it was a very small one, but she noticed the gentleness in her eyes behind her glasses. Her hostess probably didn’t smile much, Tsubaki decided, but that didn’t mean she didn’t care.

“Let’s get moving them.”

Before she could protest, the older woman picked her luggage and marched to the nearest exit. In no time, she had the parking ticket paid, Tsubaki’s things in her trunk and she was accelerating down the highway that would take them to the city where she lived. Where Tsubaki would also live for the next year.

Even though they were going pretty fast, Tsubaki could tell Azusa was a careful driver. Her eyes didn’t deviate from the road while they made a little small talk, and she started on her breakfast. The blueberry one was the first muffin she ever ate, and Tsubaki savored the new flavor slowly – and made a mental note that she was in for a long ride with the local food habits. She seriously doubted that she would be eating rice for breakfast any time soon.

“Your parents asked me repeatedly to take care of you, Tsubaki, but let's be honest here,” Azusa suddenly said, still keeping her focus on the traffic. “I won’t be acting as your nanny. I work long hours during the week, sometimes the whole weekend. I won’t be around at home much.”

Tsubaki waited for the other woman to continue, a half-eaten muffin paralyzed in the way to her mouth.

“Of course, I will help you to the best I can, but what I’m saying is that I’m trusting you to be responsible,” Azusa clarified. “I won’t be able to come to you if you decide to get your ass in trouble or something.”

While Tsubaki was still trying to place the word “ass” in the sentence, Azusa took a deep breath and flashed her a glare.

“Do you do drugs, Tsubaki?”

She almost dropped her muffin.

“ _What?”_

“Alcohol?”

“I’m not twenty-one yet…”

“Are you a party girl? Are you going to come stumbling home in the middle of the night?”

“Party? I’ve never-”

“Not that I’m judging or anything, but do you plan to bring guys home with you?”

She was so scandalized by that last one that she could barely form a response, and just let out some disgruntled noise. Strangely, that seemed just the right answer, because Azusa nodded, approving.

“Well, if that’s the case, I think we are going to get along just fine.”

Tsubaki was seriously starting to doubt that.

* * *

Azusa lived in a modern two-bedrooms apartment. Her guest bedroom was also her office, but she told Tsubaki to feel free to use her old computer, because these days she did most of her work in the laptop that was never too far from the lawyer. As she had explained during their drive, she was aiming to become the local district attorney, and that was the reason why she was so busy right now. After assuring Tsubaki once more that having her there would be no trouble, as long as she behaved accordingly, she left the teenager to get settled in.

Tsubaki let her tired body fall on the mattress, and was surprised when she bounced back a little. After seventeen years sleeping on a futon over a tatami floor, this would be her first time sleeping on a bed.

She had been in the country for less than five hours and she had already so much to adapt to: the language, the costumes, the food, the bed. Not for the first time, she asked herself if she would be able to stay the whole year, or if she would end up calling home earlier asking for the ticket money.

She also wondered if this feeling of abandonment was the reason behind Masamune’s happy mischief.

* * *

If she was still in Japan, after going through her morning hygiene routine, Tsubaki would be in the kitchen, helping her mother to prepare the asagohan. Instead, she was drinking a to-go bitter coffee and eating a donut – from the bakery across their building –, while walking around the neighborhood with Azusa.

The Americans, she noted, seemed to enjoy drinking their coffee in transit to wherever they were going.

Or, at the very least, they didn’t seem to particularly mind it.

Breakfast, back home, meant family time.

“Like I told you yesterday, I don’t have much free time, Tsubaki,” Azusa was explaining. “In fact, I usually go right back to work after my morning jogging.”

“It’s Sunday,” the girl pointed out, but the only response she received was the lawyer’s arched brow, like she was asking ‘and your point is…?’ “Well, thank you for taking this time to show me the way to the school, Azusa.”

“No problem,” she said, so fast that she almost didn’t catch the answer. So far, Tsubaki hasn't had any communication problems with Azusa. The older woman always spoke correctly and clearly – she didn’t use any slang or talked fast. When she didn’t know how to say something in English, it was easy to ask her in Japanese – but she knew that she wouldn’t have such luxury during her classes.

“Did you go to the local college, Azusa?”

“No,” she promptly answered. “I went to Harvard.”

Impressive. Even though Tsubaki didn’t know a great deal about American universities, it was impossible not to know what that meant. “And may I ask why you came back here?”

For the first time since she had met her, Azusa hesitated before answering. “I wasn’t the only one who came back.”

“What does that mean?”

Azusa drank her coffee slowly, considering what to tell her, and Tsubaki felt bad for insisting.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha-”

“We came back,” Azusa interrupted, decisively. “We came back because we thought we could make a difference here, where we were born.”

Tsubaki didn’t push to know who ‘we’ were – probably her high school friends and acquaintances. She wondered if, when she left her home to go to Harvard, Azusa felt like she was feeling now – equally anxious and terrified. Contrary to her, who was only taking a few advanced classes in the senior year of the local high school, Azusa had definitely immersed herself in the course, the internships, everything. She probably graduated with honors; she must have received so many work proposals.

But in the end, she chose to come back here, because she cared about this place; probably about the people she left behind too.

Well, Tsubaki was also going back home in twelve months – it would be another thing they would have in common.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Azusa only nodded in response, but her face was relaxed once again. Or, at least, as relaxed as she was capable of showing.

Feeling a little bit better, Tsubaki focused her attention on the streets. She wouldn't want to get lost on her first day.

* * *

The first day in high school was hell.

Tsubaki had no problem getting to her classroom in time, but that was the only good part of the day. It took less than five minutes after the lecture started for her to realize she was in deep trouble.

She couldn’t understand a thing the professor was saying.

Tsubaki had always been a good, dedicated student. She thought that her English was good – she could read her favorite books in English without problems, or watch movies without subtitles. But none of those things prepared her for the southern accent that her professors and most classmates spoke, especially when they talked so fast she couldn’t even tell when a sentence ended and another started.

The worst part, however, was the sensation that everyone was talking about her; the tall, foreigner stranger that had a stiff posture, didn’t like to be touched and had to ask people to repeat themselves constantly. Maybe that was how it felt to be an animal in the zoo.

Maybe that was how Masamune wanted her to feel.

But remembering her brother wouldn’t do her any good now. Pretending everything was okay, Tsubaki decided to keep a smile on her face, and face the rest of her first week in school. There was no point in getting desperate just because the first day was turning out a disaster. Maybe all that she needed was practice and getting used to the way things were. No one needed to know that she already had a Japanese high-school degree - no one needed to know she had volunteered for an extra year in high school in one of the few countries that had a four-years-program instead of three because she was desperately trying to postpone her arranged marriage.

That would be just too depressing to admit out loud.

* * *

By the end of her first week, Tsubaki thought she was starting to adjust. She had bought fruits and legumes to put on Asuza’s – surprisingly empty – refrigerator, along with rice, tea and fish. These last three were completely different from what she was used to back in Japan, but hey, it was better than surviving on take-out food as she had been doing so far. The school’s cafeteria’s food wasn’t bad, _per si_ , but there was comfort and familiarity in making a _bento_ for herself every morning. 

Once the novelty of having an exchange student in class had died, most of her classmates stopped bombarding her with questions and treated her with distant courtesy, and she preferred it like that. Sometimes the language was still a barriage between her and the teachers, but she was slowly improving. Tsubaki had started the habit of keeping the radio turned on when she was at the apartment, which helped a little.

Since she thought she was adapting well, Tsubaki was surprised when she was called by the school’s counselor on Friday.

The elder woman was nice. She asked delicate questions about her first week, and was patient while waiting for Tsubaki to formulate her answers. In the end of the interview, the counselor revealed that some of her teachers had voiced concerns about her being isolated from her classmates. For that reason, she had decided to introduce her to a model student.

“She’s a freshman, so you won’t share classes together,” she explained, getting up and gesturing to Tsubaki to follow her. “However, if you feel that you need someone to ask questions or just talk, she could be there for you.”

Tsubaki wasn’t sure how she felt about sharing her concerns with someone who she barely knew, and that was only helping because a teacher asked. Yet, instead of voicing those thoughts, she just smiled and nodded, following the counselor to the hallway.

“Tsubaki Nakatsukaza, meet Maka Albarn.”

_Maka._

It sounded like a Japanese name, but the small girl smiling at her had blonde hair tied in two pigtails and big green eyes. “Nice to meet ya, Tsubaki.”

She shook her hand. “Nice to meet you too, Maka.”

They agreed on a walk during the last of their lunch time. The only thing Tsubaki expected from the girl was more of the same questions the counselor - and Azusa, in one of the rare moments they met - had already asked. 

However, that was not the case.

“What are you going to do after graduation, Tsubaki?”

She stopped dead in her treks, feeling her heart becoming cold.

“Tsubaki?”

Her name sounded funny in Maka's accent, the ‘t’ barely being pronounced. 

“Tsubaki, are you okay?”

She couldn’t tell her; she _must not_ tell her. The last thing she needed was the whole school pitying the poor, foreigner student who had been promised in marriage when she was still a kid. The sad teen who would marry a man she didn’t love and barely knew at 19, simply because their families had decided so. 

The poor thing that didn’t have control over her own life.

“It’s… complicated,” she sighed, feigning a small smile. Tsubaki didn’t lie on principle and was terrible at it anyway, so diverting the subject was her best bet. “I have a… hmmm… family thing, when I go back. Then we’ll see.”

_Coward._

“Oh, okay then.” Thank all the gods she didn’t insist. “So, are you liking it in here so far? Are you having fun?”

That… wasn’t something she had considered.

“I’m just trying to survive this first week,” she answered honestly, and to her surprise, that made Maka laugh. The other girl wore braces.

“Yeah, I gotcha what you mean. School can be scary.”

“And you? Do you like studying here?”

To her surprise, the ‘model student’ just shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess, but I like being at the ranch helping mama best. But I want to go to vet school later, so I have to work hard here too.” She sighed. “Times like this I kinda envy Blake, he’s gonna ditch after graduation and stay at the ranch full time.”

"Who is Blake?”

“Foster brother, nuisance and public danger,” Maka rolled her eyes, but Tsubaki noticed her smile was affectionate. “I doubt you’ll meet him, he’s around just to do the bare minimum to get a highschool degree, and only because mama insists.”

She honestly didn’t know what to think about that. “Your mother sounds strict,” she commented. 

This time, Maka’s smile was huge. “She is, but mama is the best! Maybe I can introduce you in the stock show coming’ November…”

“Stock show?”

“Oh, you don’t know about that? Let me tell ya then, ‘cause it’s _great_ …”

And she did it. During the rest of their lunch, Maka talked non-stop about stock shows, rodeos, roping, riding, sixteen step competitions, and everything else she could possibly expect from the upcoming event in November. She told her about how unfair it was that they segregated the competidors for gender, how she could rope waaay better than Blake, and that her momma had to keep an eye on him because last year he tried to use a fake ID to get in the bull-ride competition... 

Maka talked and talked and for the first time since she had arrived, Tsubaki felt completely relaxed. The counselor had been right: it was nice to have someone to explain things for her for a change, instead of having to figure everything out by herself. She could tell Maka truly loved her little world that spinned around her mother’s ranch, and with a stab of guilt in the chest, she recognized she hadn’t felt like that about her parent’s house for a while now.

“You should come and visit Angel’s End sometime!” 

She wouldn’t want to impose her presence on the girl who had been kind enough to accept the ‘friend duty’ trom the teachers, but she didn’t want to make her feel bad either.

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

Uncertain words for an uncertain future.

* * *

September ended with a lot of rain, and for that Tsubaki was glad. The summer was already over but she still felt like melting for most days. Her first month had been quite uneventful, which was a relief for her poor mom’s heart, and the older woman seemed better the last time she had called.

As for herself, she felt like the adaptation period was over. Tsubaki practiced her English with Maka and her friends during the lunch breaks they shared, and tried to study the subjects she hadn’t seen in school, such as American History. There weren’t chores waiting for her at home, since Azusa paid someone to clean her apartment - and she had refused Tsubaki’s offer to take over those chores - so she ended with a lot of free time in hands.

She usually used that time to study a little more.

Wake up, prepare her _bento_ , go to school, lunch with Maka, more classes, go back home, study more, sleep. That was the routine she established, which was quite close to the one she used to have back home. The weekends weren’t that different: Maka was at her ranch and she really wasn’t close to anyone else, so she just stayed home, listened to music, watched TV, studied a little more, talked to Azusa when she was around. 

She was doing exactly what her parents and Massamune expected her to. She was being the good, obedient daughter and sister. Only more eleven months, and she would be back home, to plan her wedding. 

September ended, and Tsubaki wanted to scream.

* * *

October passed like an orange blur.

Tsubaki followed her routine religiously everyday; after all, what else could she do? She enjoyed studying, so that part wasn’t so bad. Sometimes she would go through some sort of cleaning frenzy and try to tidy up the spotless apartment, because she felt like occupying her hands. Other times, she would just sit and stare at the opposite wall in silence for hours, never really aware of what would snap her attention back to present.

Azusa had looked at her strangely after finding her still awake in that position one night, but she assured the lawyer that there was nothing to worry about: she just got lost in her own thoughts sometimes, that was all. She didn’t mind losing a little sleep either. She was fine.

Perfectly fine.

Which was what she told Maka, after refusing to go out with her and her friends on Halloween. She didn’t particularly enjoy crowds, that was all. She was also tired, and could use the holiday to rest a little. And she didn’t have a costume, either.

No, Tsubaki was fine, but she wanted to stay home on Halloween.

Maka insisted at first, but eventually gave up, as Tsubaki knew she would. The girl was kind, but there was a limit for doing favors for people you barely knew. She couldn’t possibly impose her presence on Maka and her friends like that.

However, when the 31th of October, Spooky Day, All Witches’ Night arrived, Tsubaki found herself doing something she had never considered before: she went for a walk in the city with no certain destination. She had toyed with that thought all morning: this was going to be her first and last Halloween, she had to at least _see it_. It would be a shame to simply miss it.

She didn’t have a costume, or the make-up skills to improvise something, so she dressed in black from head to toe. Tsubaki had briefly considered wearing the white kimono she slept in and used paper to make the _hitaikakushi_ (the triangular headband), but she doubted people would recognize her as a _Yuhrei_ , a Japanese ghost. Well, maybe some hardcore anime fans would, but in the end, she didn’t have the courage to wear it. It was cold outside and she didn’t want to gather attention…

If she was to be completely honest with herself, the only reason for her to leave the apartment in the first place was because she didn’t want to explain to Azusa why she was locked in her room. She had the uncomfortable impression that the lawyer was worried about her.

Dreading to leave and afraid to stay, Tsubaki ended up following the flux of children in their quest to obtain candies. Their costumes were just like she had seen in movies before: there were the traditional monsters, but also princesses, pirates, superheros and, for her surprise and delight, even a Sakura from her favorite childhood anime.

The teenagers she encountered had more daring costumes, to say the minimum. Some girls were showing so much skin she had no idea how they could possibly be handling the cold – she wasn’t even judging, she was just genuinely confused. Once again, Tsubaki was surprised by a fair amount of nice cosplays, including a group with the five Power Rangers – she almost asked to take a picture with them.

Seeing those groups talking and laughing together made her regret refusing Maka’s invite, just a little.

Tsubaki was admiring the vitrines’ decorations when something caught her attention. It was a small costume shop she wouldn’t have looked at twice if it wasn’t for the hat on the mannequin by the door. It was the most ridiculous witch hat she had ever seen: it had two big yellow eyes on the top, their black pupils focused on opposite directions. A strip of white cloth tracing the big mouth that had been cut in the fabric, a curled pink tongue jumping from it. The intention had clearly been to make a chameleon hat, but the general result was an ugly disaster.

Tsubaki had never wanted to buy something so badly before.

She stood there, for the gods only knew how long, staring at that monstrosity and yearning for it. She didn’t have extra money to spend with stupid things like that. The hat was extra flashy and she hated to stand out more than she already did. She would never have a reason to wear that thing again, and her family would hate it.

A tired teenager appeared and started to pull the mannequins to the store, preparing to close for the day. Tsubaki’s feet moved before she could really think about it.

Half an hour later, she was sitting on a bench staring at the world’s most ungodly hat in her hands.

She was fumbling with the hat, wondering what had possessed her to buy it. Tsubaki found a strip of fabric inside it that seemed to be connected to the mouth. She pulled it, and to her surprise, the tongue expanded, unfolding and pointing at her bewildered face.

Oh, what a fun hat. Children would probably love it. Maybe _her_ children would like playing with it in the future.

Tsubaki started sobbing.

Her children. She was seventeen, almost eighteen years old, and children were already a possibility, because she would be married and less than a year. Massamune was born when her mother was eighteen. Maybe she could convince Mifune to wait a little before… But that didn’t change the fact that they would have to… she was expected to… with him.

She cried harder.

She didn’t know Mifune. He seemed nice, but she didn’t _know_ him, she didn’t _love_ him. Maybe she would, eventually, but who knew how long it would take? How long would she have to wake and sleep on the side of a stranger, until he became her friend, at least? What if she never fell in love with him?

Tsubaki felt guilt, so guilt for stressing over something as abstract as that, but wasn’t love the force that moved the world? Was she greedy for yearning for that feeling? Was it childish? But Tsubaki felt like a child, a lone kid in a foreign country dreaming of happiness and love, while knowing full well she wouldn’t have none of those things. Not now.

Maybe not ever.

She was aware that she was crying on a bench in a public space, that people were probably watching her and judging. Distressed as she was, Tsubaki knew she wouldn’t be able to formulate a single phrase in English, so she hastily put the hat on, until it half covered her eyes, and started to walk back to the apartment.,

With any luck, Azusa wouldn’t see her arriving.

With any luck, she would be able to hide in her room and cry her heart out without interruptions. She would cry for the loss of her childish dreams, and failed expectations. She would empty herself, until there were no tears left, no pain and no anguish.

She was _Tsubaki,_ the scentless flower.

It was about time she accepted that.

* * *

The first week of November brought Maka to their usual lunch table with a grin covering her whole face.

“Remember when I told ya about the stock show?” she started, instead of her usual ‘good morning’, ‘how you doin’. Her tiny body was pulsing with energy and Tsubaki couldn’t help but smile.

“I remember you extensively discoursing about it, yes.”

“Well, it starts next week and you ain’t ditching me like you did on Halloween.” Maka deposited her tray on the table with the confidence and finality that only a fourteen-going-fifteen could have. “You’re coming with me, Tsubaki Nakatsukaza.”

This time, Tsubaki’s smile was forced.

_Maka knew she had lied to her on Halloween._

_Why was she still talking to her then? Why was she insisting on her coming to the stock show? Why-_

“After all,” Maka continued, struggling to cut the beef they served in the cafeteria. “I would be a terrible friend if I didn’t pull you out of your cave now and then.”

She had her eyes fixed on the meat, so she missed Tsubaki’s bewildered expression.

_Oh._

_Of course._

_Friend._

“I would like to go.” The words that started everything.

“Great!” Maka was _beaming_. “It starts on Friday, okay?”

Fifteenth of November. Her birthday. No one in this country knew that, not even Azusa. Of course Maka wouldn’t know, and there was no reason to tell her.

"It's fine.”

* * *

It _was_ fine.

It was fine until she was awakened on the 15th by a call from her family. Her father was stoic as always, but he wished her happiness. Her mother told her she was praying for her safe-return everyday.

And then, Masamune picked up the phone.

“ _Happy birthday, Tsubaki, sister of mine,”_ he started in his usual even tone.

“ _Thank you very much, nii-san.”_

“I _spoke to your fiance yesterday, Tsubaki,”_ he continued. Tsubaki took a deep, calming breath. _“I told him about your birthday. I was sure you would be happy if he congratulated you. Nevertheless, Mifune said it would be weird if he called you, since he had never done it before.”_

Mifune’s kindness never ceased to surprise her.

“ _It’s alright, nii-san. Mifune-san don’t have to force himself like that.”_

“ _Oh, you’re so forgiving, Tsubaki. That’s why you’ll be an excellent wife.”_

She closed her eyes and sat down on her bed.

Deep, calming breaths.

“ _I know you are eager to come back, Tsubaki, but please do take this time for yourself,”_ his voice was so calm, his words were so vicious. He loved saying her name. “ _Are you enjoying your trip? Are you making pleasant memories, Tsubaki?”_

 _Masamune’s words are poison_ , Tsubaki reminded herself, the same way she had been doing since she was nine and realized something was wrong with her older brother. _He doesn’t really care about you or your trip, he’s just pretending to be a good brother in front of your parents, as always_.

“ _Yes, nii-san, I’m enjoying my trip.”_

“ _Excellent.”_ For some reason, she visualized his self-satisfied smile, and that made her shudder. “ _I’m happy to hear that, Tsubaki.”_

She hoped it wasn’t true. Nothing good ever came to her when he was happy. Maybe it was a blessing from the Gods that he rarely was.

_And maybe this is why your brother hates you: you’re always thinking the worst of him._

“ _Tsubaki?”_ he called her name, and she realized she was spacing out.

“ _Y-yes, n-nii-san?”_

He only chuckled. “ _Nothing important. Have a good birthday, Tsubaki.”_

“ _Thank you, nii-san.”_

He hung up. Trembling hands put her cellphone on the computer’s table. Slowly, as if any sudden move would shatter her self-control, Tsubaki lied down on bed, curving into herself. She hugged the pillow against her chest and hid her face on it. It was so, so hard to breath, but she wouldn’t – _she couldn’t_ – let out a single whimper. Her tears would be silent, because she was already being a bother to Azusa-san and there was no need to add her insignificant problems to her pile of concerns.

_Breath. Slowly in, slowly out. Be silent. Breath. Do not think. Breath. Stop trembling. Breath._

_Be scentless._

_BREATH._

“Tsubaki?”

The world came to a stop and suddenly she was hyper-aware of everything: the cold sweat covering her body, the tears running down her face, Azusa’s low voice coming from outside her door.

_Why is she calling me? Did she hear anything? Oh hell, did I scream without realizing it?_

“Tsubaki, are you okay?”

She moved her pillow only enough so her response wouldn’t be muffled. _“Yes, Azusa-san, I’m fine,”_ she answered. Her voice was slightly rough, but she managed to sound nonchalant. With luck, Azusa would think she was just waking up.

An eternity passed before the lawyer’s response.

“Please open the door, Tsubaki.”

She hugged the pillow tight.

“ _Why?”_

“Because I heard you crying. And because you’re speaking Japanese without even realizing it.”

_So let me speak Japanese. It’s my language. It’s who I am. I don’t have the patience for your shit right now._

“ _I’m fine, Azusa-san. Please let me go back to sleep.”_

There was a few seconds of silence, before she heard Azusa’s heavy sigh. “I can’t do that, Tsubaki, I’m worried about you. Please, open the door.”

_Great. Now she was definitely being a bother._

“ _Please,”_ her voice failed. Oh, Gods, she was crying, when had she started to cry? _“Please, just let me sleep.”_

It wasn’t a lot to ask, right? She just needed a few minutes. Only a few minutes, and she would be fine again.

“I’ll be right here, Tsubaki,” it was all Azusa said in response.

And then, only more silence and Tsubaki’s cries could be heard.

Contrary to the times she had spaced out and barely noticed time going by, this time Tsubaki could feel it _dragging_ around her. She knew Azusa was still outside her door, not saying a word but not leaving her either, which made her feel even more guilty. Her eyes were swollen and hurting from all of her crying, but she couldn’t keep them closed: every time she tried, her mind would fill the empty darkness with memories of a childhood she would rather forget.

_I chose your name because I knew the kind of person you would be, Tsubaki._

_Scentless, no personality._

_Are you sure you want to play ball, Tsubaki?_

_Tsubaki_

“Tsubaki?”

Startled once again, Tsubaki decided to ignore Azusa this time around, except that there was a second voice mumbling something outside her door.

_“Azusa-san?”_

_“Tsubaki, are you close to the door? Or are you in bed?”_

The strangeness of the question made her blink a few times and look around to see if something else had changed in the room while she was… What was happening to her?

_“Tsubaki?”_

_“I’m in bed, Azusa-san.”_

She heard the other woman say the word ‘bed’ out loud, probably to the benefit of the third person. Tsubaki was about to ask who was there, but with a loud BAM, her door was violently thrown open. The solid wood made a dent on the drywall and, unless Tsubaki was crazy, it seemed to be on the verge of falling from its hinges.

“Honestly, Azusa, it wouldn’t be necessary if ya had a copy of the key.”

To Tsubaki complete disbelief, the third person, the one who had kicked her locked door open was a woman – a _short_ woman. She was wearing a long full skirt, a yellow checkered shirt and a cowboy hat. She had beautiful golden hair combed in waves, a gentle smile and an eye-patch.

Like, a _pirate-ish_ eye-patch.

“You must be Tsubaki! I’m Marie Mjolnir, Azusa’s best friend...”

“...self-proclaimed best friend.”

“...but feel free to call me just Marie, these Norse last names sure are a mouthful…”

Although she was irradiating cheerfulness while introducing herself, Tsubaki noticed that she hadn’t offered her hand, or even approached the bed. Likewise, Azusa was still outside her door, just staring at her with a preoccupied look on her serious face.

“I just came over to drag Azusa to the stock-show with me, then she told me she was worried about ya looked up in here, and the rest ya know.”

Tsubaki eyed the door once again – it was definitely falling off its hinges.

“You… Did you kick the door?”

Marie smiled coyly. “Not exactly.” Her brilliant yellow eye was fixed on her, making Tsubaki feel self-conscious, as if she was being diagnosed. “Why dontcha get off bed, take a nice, long shower, and have breakfast with us, Tsubaki?”

Surprised, she looked first at Azusa, then back at Marie. None of their expressions changed.

“Aren’t you… aren’t you going to ask…?”

Marie frowned a little, thoughtful. Tsubaki noticed that she didn’t glance back at Azusa, not even once.

“I’ve only one question, Tsubaki, and ya can answer simply with yes or no, or a head nod, okay?” she gently asked. Somehow, it felt important to answer her, so she nodded affirmatively. Marie’s eye went soft. “Did you feel like ya were _dying_ , Tsubaki?”

Shocked, she only shook her head. Whatever that was, she hadn’t thought about dying, or anything like that.

Tsubaki almost missed Azusa’s relieved sigh.

“Then, Tsubaki, what ya had was an anxiety attack, and not a panic attack,” Marie told her.

_Anxiety attack?_

“But I… I don’t…”

“Take that shower, Tsubaki.” It was the gentlest she had ever heard Azusa sound. “Marie and I are going to get breakfast started.”

Marie threw her one last smile before shooing Azusa out of the room with her.

The door stayed open, and Tsubaki’s eyes fell to her sweaty palms.

_Anxiety attack?_

* * *

She ended up following a chatting Marie and a resigned Azusa to the stock-show.

They hadn’t asked her what had caused the anxiety attack, and for that she was equally grateful and disappointed. She couldn’t simply volunteer information, that was not how she had been raised, you don’t dump your problems on other people. If they asked, maybe she could make sense of why Masamune’s call had disturbed her so much: she was used to her brother’s poison, for God’s sake. That had not been a normal reaction.

Anxiety attack.

She hadn’t rang Maka before heading out – she was in no condition to make another phone call. Tsubaki could only hope they would bump into each other at some point, because she didn’t want her – possibly only – friend to think she had ditched her yet again.

“So, Tsubaki, I get it’s ya first time, right?” Marie was grinning maniacally, while Azusa had her ‘just go with it’ resigned look. “What did ya wanna see first?”

Tsubaki looked around; no sign of Maka. She was the one who would give her the tour, so she hadn’t really thought about what exactly they would do. The three of them were still in the parking lot – or more precisely, the pasture used as a parking lot – and she eyed the metal structures surrounded by colorful barracks, both parts terrified and exhilarated.

“I don’t know… Is that a Ferris Wheel?”

“Oh, sure,” Marie said without turning around to check. “They have one every year. But I think the carnival only opens after lunch.”

“The livestock shows probably started already,” Azusa supplied.

“Hmm, it’s only interesting if you know cattle and horses.”

“I don’t,” Tsubaki immediately confessed.

It wasn’t as if she weren’t interested, but she wouldn’t lie to Azusa and Marie. Besides, Maka would probably be busy with her family stock, and she wouldn’t want to bother her – or face her before she came to terms with her anxiety attack.

A distraction would be welcomed now.

“There’s the mini-zoo,” Azusa was now consulting a flier. “And a wildlife expo.”

“What do you think, Tsubaki?”

Tiny goats and... _snakes? Probably?_ Yeah, she could handle that.

"Let 's go.”

She spent a surprisingly nice morning with the two older women petting not only tiny goats but also tiny sheep, ponies, calf, and all sorts of miniature farm animals. As expected, the wildlife expo had plenty of snakes, like copperheads, cottonmouths and different kinds of rattlesnakes. Marie was especially distraught during that part, and kept hugging herself and mumbling something about a ‘stein’ and ‘bad snakes’.

Azusa seemed to find that hilarious for some reason, but the only information she volunteered to Tsubaki was that Marie, as most people born and raised on a ranch, hated snakes.

She filed that information for a later talk with Maka.

Her friend finally found her after lunch. Tsubaki was eating chili hot-dogs from one of the colorful booths she had seen earlier and watching Marie and Azusa interact with the food vendors. Throughout the entire morning, people had waved or come to have a small chat with one or both of the women – it was as if everyone in town knew Yumi Azusa and Marie Mjolnir.

So that was what belonging meant.

Suddenly, her hot-dog wasn’t so tasty anymore.

“’subaki!”

Maka was running towards her. The blonde’s hair was combed into two low braids, she was wearing a cowboy hat and boots, low-cut jeans and a red shirt.

She was beaming.

“Ya came!” Maka pulled her into an unexpected hug, almost making her choke on her hot-dog. “I called ya, but I guess you had already left home.”

“Maka?”

Tsubaki didn’t know how it was possible, but her smile became _bigger_. “Marie! Azusa! It’s been forever!”

She also hugged the other two women, who peppered her with questions in very different levels of enthusiasm.

“Is Spirit here?” Azusa questioned.

_Spirit? As in a ghost? Or the horse from that one movie?_

“Papa was here earlier, helped to set our stand and everything, but he’s back on duty now.”

Papa. As in _father_. Tsubaki had never been happier for keeping her thoughts to herself.

“Azusa and I went to school with Maka’s parents, Tsubaki,” Marie explained, probably noticing her confused expression.

“Oh, I see.”

“You’re in good hands now, Tsubaki,” Azusa said, cleaning her sauce-stained hands with paper napkins. “I’m gonna head home, I still have work to do.”

“I don’t wanna to, but I should probably go home and take a nap or somethin’,” Marie sighed. “Imma getting older and I need to rest before riding tonight.”

“Oh, are ya still riding Marie? But those sexist rules are _bullshit…!”_

“Now, now, Maka…”

While the two blondes got into a heated argument about something Tsubaki couldn’t make sense of, considering that they were talking so fast, making their accents become ticker, Azusa gently pulled her aside.

“Tsubaki, you feel bad again, you call me, okay? There are public phones around. I’ll come to pick you, anytime.”

Shame painted her face in red.

_“Azusa-san, I’m so sorry about earlier…”_

_“I won’t pretend to know what’s going on, and you don’t need to tell me. But you’re not alone, Tsubaki.”_

Alone.

She would probably have cried, if Maka’s voice hadn’t startled her:

“Oh, is that Japanese? It sounds so cool!”

“Yep,” Marie agreed with unnecessary enthusiasm. “Now, Maka, we showed Tsubaki the mini-zoo and the wildlife expo. You should take her to see Angel’s End livestock now.”

Maka’s eyes shone with that maniac energy she only got when talking about her mama, her family’s ranch, or her not-so-secret wish to metaphorically kill her foster brother. “Great idea! Let’s go, ‘subaki!”

And she went.

But before that, she thanked both Azusa and Marie.

And if Maka didn’t understand why she was bowing her head, she didn’t ask.

* * *

Neither her mother or brother were there when they arrived, but Maka introduced her to Kyle Rung, a seventeen year-old who helped on the ranch from time to time for extra cash. Together, they showed her the cattle they had herd to the exposition, the categories they would be competing in and how that would reflect on Angel’s End future dealings. Tsubaki was only partially registering what they were teaching her - she _wanted to_ , she wanted to understand more about that small part of the world she had been thrown in but, somehow, part of her mind seemed to be locked on a perpetuos loop.

_Are you making pleasant memories, Tsubaki?_

_I would be a terrible friend if I didn’t pull you out of your cave now and then._

_But you’re not alone, Tsubaki._

_Did you feel like ya were_ **dying,** _Tsubaki?_

Maybe she was. Maybe just a little, on the inside.

“ ‘subaki?” 

She had no idea what she had missed, but she forced a smile either way. “Yes, Maka?”

The blonde frowned, concerned. “You okay?”

“We’re boring your friend, Maka,” Kyle laughed, but his smile was understanding, his eyes soft. “I can handle things here, go show her around.”

For the second time that day, she felt her face burning in embarrassment.

“I’m _so_ sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Maka’s hand rested on her shoulder. “I know this is all alien to you. Come on, let’s check the carnival before the rodeo.”

 _Alien_. Yes, that fit well with her feelings. 

Tsubaki forced another smile.

“That sounds good. Let 's go.”

* * *

The afternoon passed on a blur of colorful carnival arcades, fairs and buttered corn on the cob, which Tsubaki watched happening but didn’t really experience. Yet, she disguised her detachment well, since Maka didn’t question her further. Or maybe that not-really-there attitude had always been her normal, and she was only now taking notice.

_Or maybe Maka gave up on you._

Whatever was the case, night fell and she found herself sitting with Maka on the bleachers, sandwiched between beer-smelling strangers, half-blind by the intensity of the lights in the rodeo arena. Maybe her friend was disappointed in her lack of interest, but that didn’t decrease her enthusiasm.

“First we have the saddle bronc riding, always fun to watch, and then there’s the women’s tie down roping. I could go on forever about the sexism of segregating for gender, but moving on. Next is the barrel racing, which is the one Marie’s going to compete in, and for the last we have the bull riding...”

Her voice was slowly losing cadence as she frowned, trying to see something across the arena.

“And that’s Blake,” Maka suddenly added. Her tone was slightly disapproving, but not in an accusatory way, as Masamune’s often was. If anything, there was a weirdly resigned fondness into it. “Right there, sitting above the bucking shuttles on the right. The idiot with blue dyed hair. Didya see him?”

Tusbaki squinted her eyes, following the direction of Maka’s finger. Yes, there were people sitting on the arena panels, next to where the bulls were kept before being unleashed in the arena, but she couldn’t distinguish between the various cowboys which one was Maka’s foster brother.

“Should he even be there?”

“Nope,” she popped the ‘p’ in the end. “He’s only a few months older than me. It’s better than trying to ride _again_ , but momma is still going to be pissed. That’s not exactly a _safe_ spot, if ya know what I mean.”

No, she didn’t. She didn’t understand how Maka could be so calm, knowing he was in a dangerous place, or why he was there in the first place, if their mother had expressly forbidden it. She understood none of it, and her headache was getting worse.

“Does he want to be a bull rider?”

“Blake wants to do all the things,” Maka shrugged. “But if you’re asking about the long-term plan… He wants to help momma with Angel’s End, same as me. He doesn’t have patience for school, so he’s going to start working full time after he graduates, while I’m going to vet school…”

She suddenly caught herself, blushing hard.

“I’m sorry, here I go again talking no-stop about our ranch. What about you, ‘subaki? Whatcha doing when you go back to Japan?”

Maka was trying to be considerate, but Tsubaki would have preferred her talking for the rest of the night instead of answering that question. Yet, Maka was trying, she was putting some effort into getting to know about her, about her life, her plans for the future. Her face was so expectant and honest, and Tsubaki had never been good at lying.

Or maybe she was just plain _done_ with her situation.

“I’m going to get married.”

Maka blinked a few times, processing the information.

“Well, I sure hope I’m getting married someday too, but I meant… _Oh_.” Whatever Maka saw in her face made the blonde girl’s eyes go wide. “Oh, you mean, _now_ ? You’re engaged _now_ ? To be married _next year_?”

What else could she do but nod?

“Oh, I had _no_ idea…” Maka’s eyes fell to her clenched fists, where she wouldn’t find an engagement ring. Another small mercy. “Congrats! What’s his name? How long have you been together?”

And just like that, it was too much. She wasn’t ready for this conversation. Normal teenage girls would be excited while sharing with her best friend everything about the boy she was in love with and planning to get married _someday_ , in some distant and attainable future. But there was nothing normal about her situation: she was supposed to get married to a man she barely knew and didn’t love, and only because their families had decided so. It wasn’t what she wanted, it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t… _right_.

It wasn’t right. It was wrong. So, so wrong.

And there was nothing she could do about it.

“ ‘subaki? You okay?”

She abruptly got up. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

Her voice was oh, so calm.

“I’m going with ya then…”

“No,” Tsubaki was way past pretending she was fine. “I need to be alone, Maka, please.”

The younger girl seemed almost as miserable as she was feeling. “What did I do wrong? I wasn’t supposed to ask about him? What-”

“It’s an arranged marriage and I don’t want to talk about it.”

Her friend blinked slowly, while her brain processed that information. Then she frowned, clenching her fists and biting her lip.

And _then_ Maka Albarn jumped up ready to inflict bloody murder upon someone, with the full strength of her tiny fifteen-year-old body.

“WHAT THE DAMN HELL?!”

Tsubaki would have laughed if she wasn’t about to cry.

Before she could answer, a couple of guys behind them started to complain that they should either sit down or fight somewhere else. Maka promptly directed all her anger and frustration to said men, and in the few precious seconds she turned around to unleash an avalanche of profanities upon them, Tsubaki escaped.

It wasn’t very smooth – she stomped feet and pushed people off her way – but she was faster than she could have expected. She ran away from the arena and did her best to disappear in the crowd. It was only when she sat down in an abandoned crate in some dark corner of the food stands that she allowed herself to hide her face in her hands and cry her heart out.

She had always known she wasn’t exactly _satisfied_ with the arranged marriage, but only now was she allowing herself to fully embrace the fact that she _hated it_ . Tsubaki hated that she had no choice, that she couldn’t even _dream_ of a future. She was just eighteen, she had never been kissed, and the only thing she was sure she liked was studying: and even that option had been taken away from her, because instead of going to the university, she would be at her new home popping out _babies_ …

“Tsubaki? Is that you?”

At this point, she should be used to people calling out her name to pull her away from her mental breakdowns. However, this time the question sent a shiver down her spine, because _she didn’t recognize that voice_.

Very slowly, she lowered her hands and raised her head. There was a petite, beautiful young woman standing under a lamp post only a few feet from her hiding place. Her worn-out leather boots and jeans were dirty, her red flannel shirt had rolled up sleeves, and her hair was up, hidden by her cowboy hat, but a few loose strands were framing her gentle face. Tsubaki was sure her hair was brown, but under that light it seemed reddish. She had freckles dusting her nose, tanned skin, and big hazel eyes that reminded her of-

“Tsubaki?” she repeated, slowly, taking care to pronounce all the syllables.

She wanted to answer ‘yes’, but self-preservation kicked in first. “Who are you?”

She raised her hands, as if in surrender. “I’m Suzanne Albarn. I’m-”

“Maka’s mom," she interrupted.

Tsubaki was immediately ashamed of her rudeness, but Mrs. Albarn’s smile only grew. “Yeah, I’m Maka’s momma.” She took a tentative step in her direction. “And she told me she had made a new friend, the exchange student who’s staying with Yumi. That’s you, right?”

It was so weird to hear someone calling Azusa by her first name that Tsubaki needed a minute to nod in response.

“Okay, okay…” Suzanne took another small step forward, offering her a blue handkerchief from her back pocket. “Now, darlin’, why don’t ya clean your face and come here so we can talk?”

Part of Tsubaki was horrified that yet another person met her while she was having a breakdown. Another part was concluding that Mrs. Albarn was probably great at approaching wild horses that needed to be tamed. And the rest of her was just too tired to care at this point.

She would take the kindness that was being offered.

“Thank you, Mrs. Albarn,” she whispered, taking the handkerchief and using it to cover her tear-stained face.

“No problem, darlin’. Now, I don’t want to pry too much, but do you need help? Did something happen to you?”

She was still trying to sound gentle, but there was an unmistakable hardness in her last sentence that made Tsubaki peek at her face from behind the blue cloth. Mrs. Albarn had the same maniac gleam in her eyes that Maka had shown earlier, when she screamed her indignation. The will to fight injustices apparently runs in the family.

It was such a shame there was nothing they could do to help her.

“I just had an… anxiety attack.” She was still having a hard time processing that term. “I’m fine now, thank you.”

The hard lines in Mrs. Albarn’s face softened, and she rested her hand on Tsubaki’s shoulder.

“No, darlin’. No, you’re not.”

Eyes wide and mouth hanging open, Tsubaki tried to think of something, anything, that would prove her wrong, only to find out that there was nothing left to say.

“No,” she whispered, agreeing. “I’m not fine, but I don’t know what else to do.”

Suzanne started to pull her close, maybe to hug her, but at that moment two men came stumbling from the booths in their direction.

“Suzanne, honey, I found the little rascal!”

“Let me _go,_ old man! I did _nothin’_ this time!”

Tsubaki immediately took a step back, unconsciously seeking refuge behind the older woman. With a heavy sigh, Mrs. Albarn turned her glare at them, crossing her arms, and shaking her head.

“Blake, what did I tell ya about hanging out on the bull’s paddocks?”

The teenager started a long rambling about how there was absolutely nothing wrong with precariously sitting on fences near dangerous and stressed confined bulls, and Tsubaki used that moment to analyze the two men.

Maka’s foster brother was short but bulky, and he was wearing the same clothes as everyone but her, apparently: jeans, boots, flannel shirt and hat. His light-brown hair had been dyed electric blue, probably with a spray, because the strands seemed stiffed and hard. It should be an ugly look on literally anyone, but strangely the dyed hair seemed to highlight the blue on his eyes, so the general effect was quite pleasant.

The other man could only be Maka’s dad and Suzanne’s husband. Mr. Albarn had long, shockingly vivid red hair and blue eyes. He was wearing a police uniform, but the star on his chest told her he was actually the sheriff. He was scowling at Blake too, but there was a smile playing in the corner of his lips that told her he wasn’t really mad. Maybe he used to do the same thing when he was younger… Wait.

Blinking a few times, Tsubaki looked, _really looked_ at Maka’s parents together. They seemed… young. Too young, honestly, to have a fifteen-year-old daughter. She wouldn’t give either of them more than thirty years. Azusa had briefly mentioned once that she had graduated from law school only a couple of years ago, and she had gone to high-school with the two, so that meant…

That meant they probably had Maka when they were at her age.

 _Gods_ , she was going to be sick.

Her legs failed her and she grabbed the nearest food stand to stay up. Faster than she could have predicted, in an instant Maka’s dad was by her side, holding her arm and helping her to her feet again.

“Easy there, young lady,” he said. His tone was calm, but unlike Mrs. Albarn, there was the unmistakable professionalism and experience in dealing with fainting teenagers that probably came with the job.

“This is Tsubaki, Spirit. Maka’s friend,” Mrs. Albarn explained, concerned eyes watching her from behind her husband. Tsubaki wondered why she seemed so distant, before remembering she was probably giving her space to breath. Which not only was perfectly normal, but also reminded Tsubaki that she shouldn’t be seeking the woman’s comforting presence in the first place.

_She was Maka’s mom, not hers._

Distraught and wanting to avoid parental figures, Tsubaki’s eyes turned to Blake, which was not good. Because he was staring.

Staring _hard_. Eyes wide, eyebrows raised, mouth hanging open, the whole thing. Tsubaki felt as if she was about to combust from sheer embarrassment. _How_ did she manage to freak out Maka’s entire family in one night?

She needed to get out of this place, right now.

Tsubaki grabbed Mr. Albarn's arm and pleaded. “Please, take me home, officer.”

Which were not only the words her mother had made her rehearse a few times, but also seemed to be the key to put Maka’s dad in full sheriff mode.

“Of course, miss. Do you need help to walk?”

She shook her head, and gave Maka’s mom her handkerchief back. “Thanks for the talk, Mrs. Albarn.”

Suzanne grabbed her hand along with the cloth. “Anytime you need, darlin’, okay?”

Tsubaki only smiled weakly, nodded to Blake to show him she acknowledged he was there, and followed Mr. Albarn to his truck. She didn’t know what would be worse: the scare she would give Azusa by arriving home escorted by the police, or Maka’s reaction once her mother told her everything.

She pulled her knees to her chest, let her cheek rest against the truck’s window, closed her eyes and braced herself for the worst.

* * *

The first surprise was Azusa not commenting on anything after Mr. Albarn brought her home.

The second surprise was Maka sitting on their usual table during lunch and acting like nothing had happened during the weekend.

“Momma invited ya to Thanksgiving dinner, ya should come,” she commented at the end of their meal, and Tsubaki almost choked on her water.

“Are you sure? Isn’t that a family event?” She knew almost nothing about the holiday, and Azusa hadn’t mentioned her plans for the day, either. “I don’t want to impose…”

“Mamma said, and I quote, ‘knowing Yumi, she’s probably going to work throughout the holiday and not even realize it. Bring ‘subaki here, so I can feed her properly.’”

“ _Feed me?”_

“Mamma enjoys feeding people,” Maka was grinning, but her eyes were expectant. “Are you coming?”

Tsubaki was still mortified by the disastrous situation in which she had met Maka’s family, but maybe this was her opportunity to apologize properly and make a better impression. Not to mention, if Maka was planning on questioning her about the arranged marriage, it would be better to do that in her home, and not in school.

“I’ll go.”

* * *

As it turned out, Azusa indeed had planned to work during Thanksgiving, and she wholeheartedly approved of Tsubaki going to spend it with the Albarn family. At least at Angel’s End she wouldn’t be under the risk of being kidnapped by Marie, Azusa had said. It was hard to tell if she was joking or not, but the little Tsubaki knew about Marie was enough for her to conclude it was a real possibility.

She was wearing a cream colored dress, black tights, a yellow sweatshirt and boots. Her hair was up on her usual ponytail, and she didn’t put on any make up. Tsubaki had no idea of how formal a thanksgiving dinner was, but knowing Maka, she was sure her family wouldn't be the fancy type. Azusa had bought a blueberry pie from their usual bakery, and for that she was twice thankful: it seemed rude to not bring something, and it also gave her something to do with her hands while she was riding shotgun in the sheriff’s truck once again.

Mr. Albarn had offered to pick her up after his shift and bring her to Angel’s End. At first, Tsubaki was nervous about spending an unknown amount of time alone with him, but he remained mostly silent the entire ride, and kept his eyes on the road. Sometimes he would point at some other ranch entrance and say the name of the family who owned the land, or update her on how much road they still had to go. After the first ten minutes, it became clear he had no intention of conducting an interrogation, and she was able to relax a little.

 _Angel’s End_ was carved on the wood arc above the ranch’s entryway. The narrow road ended in a well-kept lawn, where Mr. Albarn parked beside another truck. The house was two-story, with a veranda extending across the front and sides. 

As she was exiting the car, Mrs. Albarn appeared on the porch, wiping her hands on her apron. Her long hair was also in a ponytail, and as silly as it sounded, that made the nervous knots on Tsubaki’s stomach start to untangle.

“Welcome to Angel’s End, ‘subaki,” she said with a big smile. “Let me take that out of your hands, darlin’.”

Before she could voice her thanks for the invitation, Suzanne had her pie in her hand and was giving her a half hug, pulling her firmly against her chest. “I’m really glad you came, ‘subaki.”

“Thanks for having me,” she mumbled in response, hiding her red cheeks on Mrs. Albarn's shoulder. She smelled nice, like freshly baked bread.

“You’re always welcomed here,” she pulled away and gave her a gentle tap on her cheek. “Maka and Black Star are in the kitchen, let’s join them.”

_Black Star?_

“ ‘Smelling good in there, hon’,” Spirit said from behind her, and Tsubaki noticed she was still standing on the steps. She quickly skirted around, so he could come over and kiss his wife on the cheek.

“No problems today?” Suzanne questioned, half annoyed and half worried. Tsubaki supposed that those were probably the usual feelings of someone married to the sheriff.

“Not today, thanks to the Lord. Come, ‘suebaki, let us show you the house.”

She followed the couple inside. The furniture in their living room was hand-carved wood, which made her wonder how old Angel’s End was. When they entered the kitchen, she was first assaulted by the amazing smells coming from the table and the oven. Next, it was Maka.

“ ‘suebaki!” she exclaimed, her mouth full and a spoon hanging from her lips. Maka tackled her in a tight hug. “Can’t wait to show you around-”

“No showing the ranch around in the dark, Maka. And what are you eating?” Mrs Albarn questioned, passing them to put the pie in the refrigerator.

“Just tasting the cranberry sauce, momma.”

“I’ll pretend to believe that. Help me with the glasses, okay?”

Maka protested but did as she was told, while Spirit, chuckling, occupied the seat at the end of the table. Looking around for something to do, Tsubaki’s eyes found Blake across the table, froze in motion with a jar of juice in his hands, staring at her once again.

“Hi,” she smiled shyly, hoping to all the Shintoist gods that he wasn’t hung up in their disastrous first encounter. “I’m Tsubaki Nakatsukaza.”

“ ‘suebaki?” he repeated slowly, tasting her name on his lips.

 _And he was still staring_.

Spirit cleared his throat, loudly. “Ahem, Blake, this is the part where you introduce yourself.”

Blushing almost as much as she was, Blake shook his head, as if clearing his thoughts, and finally put the juice down on the table. He wiped his hands on his jeans and offered his right one for her to shake. “I’m Blake Strickland, butchya’ can call me Black Star.”

“Black Star,” she repeated, testing if that suited him, and shook his hand. He had a strong grip, and his skin was warm and full of calluses. It suddenly occurred to her it was the first time she was holding hands with a boy.

_A boy who wasn’t her fiance._

She quickly pulled her fingers away. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet ya, too.”

“Ah, being young…” Spirit sighed, smiling. “I miss it.”

“What was that, Spirit?” Suzanne asked, putting a glass in front of her husband with more strength than Tsubaki would consider necessary.

“Nothin’ hon’, nothin’ at all.” He turned his smile to her. “Don’t stand there all night, ‘suebaki. Sit wherever you like.”

Azusa aside, Tsubaki had already noticed, long ago, that people generally had a hard time pronouncing the first syllables of her name with the proper Japanese intonation. At first, it annoyed her terribly. Yet right now, in Angel’s End kitchen, with Maka stealing food, Black Star blushing and Mr. and Mrs. Albarn bickering, she decided she was growing rather fond of being called ‘suebaki’.

“Thank you, Mr. Albarn,” she said, picking the seat right in front of Blake.

Maka sat on her left, and Mrs. Albarn occupied the chair across from her husband. “And where are the girls?”

Before Tsubaki could ask who she was talking about, two other girls came to the kitchen. One seemed around her age, tall and curvaceous, with long blonde hair and hard, severe eyes that immediately focused on her. Holding her hand, a small child with big blue eyes and short light-blonde hair grinned at Mrs. Albarn.

“Liz washed my hands!” she proudly announced.

“That’s very good, sweetheart,” Mrs. Albarn answered.

The kid threw herself at the other chair by Maka’s side, and gave Tsubaki a questioning glare. “I’m Patti. Who ya?”

“I’m Tsubaki Nakatsukasa,” she answered, while the taller girl occupied the chair in front of her… sister?

“ _Sue what?”_ Patti questioned, blinking her big blue eyes to her. Honestly, she was just plain adorable.

“Don’t be rude, Patti,” the other girl reprehended, although she was still giving her suspicious glances. “I’m Elizabeth Thompson, call me Liz. Sorry ‘bout my sister.”

“It’s okay,” she said, smiling at the younger girl. “You can call me Sue if you like it.”

“I do! Sue’s prettier. Ya’re pretty too, so it fits.”

Never had been called pretty before, Tsubaki just blinked quickly, trying to come up to an answer for the kid. Mrs. Albarn, however, decided to save her from another embarrassment.

“Now that’s settled, everybody closes your eyes for a minute and think about what ya’re grateful for.”

Tsubaki was momentarily assaulted by panic, but she closed her eyes like everybody else, her hands coming together in a symbol of prayer older than most religions. She was not raised christian, so she thanked the Gods Whose names she had known since birth for the one thing she was truly grateful for:

Being here, in this place, right now, for the other options were not very pleasant.

When she opened her eyes again, Mrs. Albarn was smiling at her from across the table.

“Alright kids, dig in!”

* * *

“Don’t take it personal,” Blake blurted, while the two were alone wiping the dishes after dinner. She had insisted on helping and apparently that chore was his punishment for his escape during the stock show. Liz and Maka were distracting Patti, and Mrs. and Mr. Albarn were in the living room. “Liz’s stink eye, I mean.”

“Oh?”

“She thinks everyone is talking ‘bout her and her sis because of their momma,” he mumbled. “Not my place to tell but… They’re staying with us now. Liz helps with the house chores and Patti follows Maka around.”

“How- how old are they?” she asked, processing the new information.

“Liz’s eighteen, Patti’s seven.” He wiped the pan with enough enthusiasm to make a hole through it. “And their momma’s a professional fuck-up.”

He immediately winced. “Sorry ‘bout tha’,” Blake mumbled. He was probably thinking she didn’t like swear words. She always talked in such a formal way that he couldn’t be blamed for assuming that.

His consideration was what propelled Tsubaki to blurt out her own insecurities:

“Why do you always stare at me?”

He froze mid-action, panicked eyes fixed at the floor, while she watched him. Almost a full minute passed before he gulped, hard.

“’cause ya’re really, _really_ pretty.”

His neck was burning red, the same color her cheeks were becoming.

“Oh,” it was all she answered.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

They finished the dishes in silence after that.

* * *

That night, back at Azusa’s apartment, Tsubaki dreamed of blueberry pies, old trucks, and people with blue eyes who thought she was pretty.

* * *

It was mid December when the snow started to fall, and Maka invited her over once again.

This time Mrs. Albarn was the one who picked her up. Tsubaki accompanied the older woman while she ran some errands. On the way back to the ranch, Suzanne asked her if she knew how to drive on a snowed road. She answered that she didn’t know how to drive at all.

“You can ask Maka or Black Star to teach ya, ‘suebaki,” she answered, not unkindly.

She only nodded in response, and they stayed in silence listening to Suzanne’s old harmonica tape.

Maka was beyond thrilled for finally being able to show her Angel’s End. She came to greet Tsubaki riding her horse and the older girl couldn’t help her amazement of seeing someone so tiny at the top of a power machine made of muscle and bad attitude. Well, Maka was, in her own way, a kind of power machine and what she didn’t have in muscle she compensated in twice the attitude, so maybe that made sense.

Since she also didn’t know how to ride, Maka walked her around, firmly pulling her horse behind them. The younger girl showed her the barn, the guest house, and pointed at the pastures in the distance, saying it was a shame she couldn’t run the fences with her and see the whole property.

They passed by Black Star in a feeding truck at some point. He waved and she waved back, proud to be blushing just a little.

The tour ended on the house’s back door, with Maka saying she had to take her horse back and take care of him, but ‘suebaki should feel free to go in. She cleaned her boots in the mudroom and followed the smells back to the kitchen, only to be immediately tackled by Patti.

“Ya here! I rememba ya! Ya’re Sue!”

“That’s right, and you’re Patti,” she answered, running her fingers through the blonde’s hair.

She giggled. “I’m helping sis with dinner!”

Tsubaki’s eyes finally found the older girl, still eyeing her suspiciously. This time, however, her menacing aura was considerably toned down by the girliest apron ever made hanging around her waist.

“Can I help too?”

She only shrugged, Patti was still blabbing, and by the end of their late lunch (or dinner), Liz and Tsubaki were making fun of Black Star together.

It was a good day.

* * *

Christmas came and went.

Both Maka and Azusa invited Tsubaki for their respective families’ celebrations, but she declined politely. Christmas was a lovers holiday in Japan, and had no meaning to her. For Christians, it was both a religious experience and a family celebration, and this time she was firmly convinced she shouldn’t intrude.

So she stayed at Azusa’s apartment, called her fiance as costume dictated, and did a lot of thinking.

When the New Year arrived, she was half-convinced of many other things.

* * *

Winter was a hard time at the ranch, Maka had explained. Frozen ponds, destroyed fences, animals getting sick, engines failing, etc. All help was welcomed, and Tsubaki felt considerably less guilty for accepting her invitations to stay there on the weekends. Although she liked animals a great deal, she simply didn’t have the practice or experience to help outside – if they had to walk her through all tasks, she would be a bother instead of an extra pair of hands.

So she stayed in the house with Liz, cleaning, cooking, and making sure Patti wouldn’t escape in the middle of a snowstorm to watch the horses. Full of pride and love, Liz would laugh and say her little sis would be a great horse wrangler some day. Tsubaki avoided at all costs to make comparisons between her and Masamune.

At night, Mrs. Albarn would finally take a break from all the work outside to attack the work _inside_. Even with all the cooking and cleaning done by Liz and Sue, there was still the ranch finances to deal with. She told Sue – for she had caught the habit or calling her that too – that talking out loud while working helped her to think.

Those hours at the kitchen table late at night, with Maka attacking her homework and mumbling furiously, Patti drawing horses, Liz doing her nails, Mr. Albarn and Black Star lurking around stealing cookies, while Mrs. Albarn taught her accounting were her favorite, the ones she expected anxiously every weekend.

That feeling of peaceful happiness was what made her whisper to Maka her most well kept secret one night:

“I don’t want to get married.”

Maka turned around to face her in the twin bed (Elizabeth and Patti were already occupying the guest room, and the third belonged to Blake).

“Then don’t get married.”

Her breath caught in her throat and tears started to prickle the corners of her eyes.

“ _I don’t know how.”_

“What? I didn’t get that, Sue.”

“I don’t… When I get back, they’re going to pressure me into marrying.”

Maka frowned even more.

“Your fiance would force you to marry?”

“No, I don’t… I don’t know. Mifune is… difficult to read.” She thought about his expressionless face and sad eyes the few times they had met in person. “Sometimes I think he doesn’t want this either.”

“Can’t you simply cancel it?”

Tsubaki thought about her parents, and Mifune’s family. They had given their words, and the family’s honor was everything – even if the cost were their children’s happiness. “No. That’s not how this works.”

Maka stared at her, equal parts furious and frustrated, wondering why she didn’t have the power to fix Sue’s life.

“We’re here for you, ya know.”

She found the other girl’s hand under the covers and squeezed it tightly.

“I know. Thank you.”

* * *

The first week of February brought a snowstorm that that part of the country hadn’t seen in almost a century. The roads became almost impossible to use, school was canceled for a few days, Maka was blaming greedy corporations and global warming, and Tsubaki found herself a somehow permanent guest at Angel’s End for the foreseen future.

Snow – or even snowstorms – however, were nothing new or even scary to her. She had been born and raised in Hokkaido, the island located in the far north of the Japanese archipelago, and the extreme temperature to her was just fresh air that tasted like home.

Nostalgia was a strange and confusing feeling. She missed the rice fields, the taste of the asagohan her mother prepared, the smell of the camellia oil her father used on his katana’s blade. Yet, the same nostalgic air seemed lighter on her lungs without Masamune’s constant vigilance, or the talks about her future marriage.

Grabbing the coffee thermos firmly, she faced the snow between the house and the stables, and cleared her mind of marriage-related thoughts.

She was struggling against the heavy wooden doors when they suddenly opened enough for her to squeeze pass it. Breathing slowly to expel the freezing air from her lungs, she turned around to find Blake shutting the stable close once again.

“Thanks,” she said through chattering teeth.

“No problem. What’s tha’ you got?”

“Coffee,” Sue answered, although he was already avidly grabbing the thermos.

They engaged in some small talk while he showed her all the horses and filled his stomach with the bitter beverage. Tsubaki made mental notes to remember which animal belonged to everyone in the ranch, pretending not to notice how Black Star was – although he had toned it down considerably – still staring at her.

“Is it true?” he suddenly blurted.

Distracted by a horse trying to eat her ponytail, she almost didn’t hear him. “What?”

“That ya’re going to marry. Is it true?”

“It’s true that I’m engaged,” she mumbled. Tsubaki averted her eyes, choosing to pick at the straw on her jeans instead of looking at his blushing face. “But it’s also true that I don’t want to get married.”

“ _OH.”_ Black Star frowned, and even though she knew he and Maka weren’t related, it was impossible to not make a comparison between those identical angry scowls. “Then don’t go back.”

“It’s not that simple. They’re my parents, you know?”

“No, I don’t.”

The seriousness of his tone made her flinch a little, bracing herself. She kind of wanted to ask him, but at the same time, she was terrified of the idea of intruding.

And maybe he was a little terrified too, because he pulled his hat down low, covering his eyes. “I was five.”

Tsubaki waited. She waited because she never considered herself good at consoling people, and she didn’t know anything she could say that wouldn’t bring the conversation back to her. She didn’t know Blake that well, but she had the feeling this confession was longer overdue to himself.

“Yeah, five. Just barely old enough to remember White Star. Not old enough to understand the Albarn’s weren’t my parents. Not at first, anyway.”

_White Star._

His father. Or his mother. That was probably where his nickname came from, but it didn’t seem right to ask, at least not now. After minutes started to pass without him uttering more words, she took a deep breath and asked the question that was killing her:

“Where...?”

“On the road,” he interrupted, nervously digging the ground with his boot’s tip. “They found me near Angel’s End’s entrance.”

She knew no words in English to convey what she was feeling, so she let out a long and sonorous string of Japanese words she wouldn’t dare to utter in front of her family.

Surprised, Black Star just stared at her, blinking fast.

“Was tha’… cursing?”

“You’ll never know.”

This time she was the one surprised, for he let out a boisterous laugh. “Who would know you had it in ya.”

His smile was contagious, so she laughed too, all thoughts of broken families forgotten for the moment.

* * *

“ _Ya’re shitting me!”_

After her conversation with Black Star in the stables, Tsubaki decided she didn’t like the idea of her arranged marriage being passed around as the new hot gossip of their snow-isolated reality. To finally get that looming dark cloud of her thoughts, she spilled the story to Liz one night while they were doing the dishes and the rest of the Albarn family and Patti were still at the kitchen table.

Once again wearing the girlish apron and with soap covering her arms to her elbows, Liz’s gaped at her.

“Ya aren’t shitting me. Ya really have an arranged marriage.” The taller girl blinked a few times quickly, as if she was clearing her thoughts. “That has to be illegal. Is that illegal?”

That last question was not aimed at her, but at Mr. Albarn, who was frowning at his coffee.

“Here? If you can prove one of the parts is being coerced, sure.” With a heavy sigh, he let his mug rest on the table. “There? I have no idea.”

“This is not about law, it is about tradition,” Tsubaki explained, focusing on wiping the dishes and not facing anyone.

There was about twenty seconds of silence, and then:

“Bullshit!”

“Horseshit!”

“Pigshit!”

“Enough!” said Mrs. Albarn, firmly. “I understand your frustration, but not in front of Patti.”

“Shit!” the said child cheerfully added, and Tsubaki heard Suzanne’s exasperated sigh.

“But Suebaki isn’t going to go through with it, right Sue?” Maka insisted, and she could practically _feel_ the weight of her gaze on her back.

" _Maka.”_ Mrs. Albarn had never sounded so severe before. Even without turning around, Tsubaki could easily picture her friend pouting while lowering her head. There was a few minutes of silence interrupted only by the dishes clunking in the sink and the house’s old heater valiantly fighting to keep the cold at bay, before she spoke again. “Sue, darlin’, have you talked to Marie recently?”

That sudden change of topic made her turn around, confused.

“No, not since the stock-show. Why?”

“Hmm,” the older woman hummed against her mug. “Marie’s a psychologist. She’s currently teaching at the community college, where she’s also the student’s counselor.”

A psychologist. A doctor? She didn’t need a doctor, she wasn’t sick.

_Did you feel like you were dying, Tsubaki?_

_Anxiety attack._

“Uh-oh,” Spirit loudly sighed, shaking his head. “Whatever ya thinking, Sue, I can tell it ain’t good, and probably it ain’t right either.”

“ _What?”_

Suzanne put her hand over Spirit's on the table. “I’m only saying this ‘cause I can tell you’re feeling confused, darlin’. Marie can help you to put your thoughts in order and clearly weigh your options.”

 _You don’t have a choice, Tsubaki. Father and mother decided it because it’s the best for you,_ Masamune once said _._

“I will… think about it,” she whispered, before turning back to the sink. She pointedly ignored Liz’s concerned look.

“Great. Now, Patti, darlin’ why dontcha show us your drawing?”

“It’s a horsie!” the child exclaimed, and Tsubaki was once again thankful for the obvious attempt to draw away attention from her.

She had a lot of thinking to do.

* * *

A few nights later, she almost gave Blake a heart attack.

“ _What in God’s name are you doing outside, Tsubaki?”_

Blake’s voice didn’t startle her, because she had heard him fighting with the frozen front door before coming to the veranda.

She was hurdled in one of the straw lawn chairs, knees firmly pressed against her chest, and a colorful yarn blanket cocooning her. “I like to watch the snow falling.”

“ _Outside? At 3 fuckin’ a.m.?”_

Tsubaki was too emotionally drained to discuss with him, so she only shrugged, her heavy lidded eyes still watching the white flakes falling around them.

“Unbelievable,” he mumbled, but instead of going back inside, he pulled another chair closer to her and tugged the end of her cocoon. “Share.”

She gave him an annoyed glare, he shrugged as if saying ‘tough luck’, and after some awkward repositioning of her part, they ended sitting side by side and sharing the blanket.

“Why are you awake, Black Star?” she mumbled. They were looking in the same direction but their faces were so close she could feel his breath on her cheek.

“I woke to p… To go to the bathroom. Then I came down for water and saw you through the window,” he tilted his head slightly in her direction. “Why are _you_ awake, Sue?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled.

To her great relief, he didn’t comment on that, only turned his face back to the snow covered yard. “So, what’s so great about freezing your ass off outside on this ungodly hour?”

She smiled despite herself.

“It reminds me of home.”

“Oh.” He stayed silent a few moments, before asking: “Did you miss it?”

_Masamune._

“A little. It’s complicated.”

“Because of the marriage.”

“Because of my brother,” she let out without thinking, and winced right after.

Surprised, Blake tried to angle his head to see her face without breaking their precarious position.

“I didn’t know ya had a brother. Ya don’t get along?”

 _What the hell_. It was 3 a.m., she was tired, and life wasn’t fair.

“He hates me.”

He jerked forward, almost making her fall off her chair in the process. _“He what now?”_

She had known that truth since she was a child, but it was the first time saying it out loud. It didn’t make her feel better, there was no catharsis in that process, only a fact as cold and harsh as the winter around them: “My brother has hated me since the moment I was born.”

Black Star’s eyes were huge in his surprise and anger. _“WHY?”_

Tsubaki had always asked herself that. For the longest time, she thought that maybe she had done something wrong, that it was her fault her brother had never cared for her. Yet, as she grew older, she came to understand that it was not possible for a _toddler_ to do something bad enough to warrant a life-long hatred. There was only one logical conclusion then.

“He didn’t want me,” she told Blake, even though she knew that it would hurt him as much as it hurt her. “He simply didn’t want a sister.”

She had half-expected another outburst from his part; instead, he simply allowed his body to fall back heavily against the chair. While he was silently processing her words, she tucked them back in the blanket.

“Ya know…” he finally said after a long moment of silently staring at the snow. “It kinda always made a distorted sense to me, that they didn’t want me.” Before she could protest his words, he grabbed her hand under the blanket and turned around to look at her once again, his face hard and unforgiving. “But I can’t, for the life of me, understand why anyone wouldn’t want you.”

Blushing as she had never before, Tsubaki held his gaze. She knew he wasn’t talking only about Masamune anymore, but what she wasn’t sure was if it was only her arranged marriage he was including in that equation.

“I could say the same thing,” she blurted. Black Star only arched one eyebrow. “You’re loved here, Blake.”

He squeezed her hand.

“And so are you, Sue.”

And because no matter how arranged her marriage was, she still thought that Mifune deserved respect, she pulled her hand back, only mumbling a shy ‘thank you’. That seemed to make Black Star realize exactly the kind of situation they were in, because the same hand that had held hers went to his nape, rubbing the skin nervously.

“Ready to go back inside?” he asked with a tentative smile, and she could only nod in response.

Later, when she was once again back in the bed she shared with Maka, Tsubaki allowed herself to accept that what she was feeling was regret.

Regret, because she wished she had stayed outside, holding hands and watching the snow falling.

* * *

Two weeks later, Tsubaki arrived at Azusa’s apartment after school to find the lawyer and Marie chatting at the kitchen table.

Or, to be more precise, she found Azusa typing furiously – as always – in her laptop, while Marie paced around her, complained nonstop about her failed date with someone named Joe.

They were both too hyper-focused to pay her any attention, so Tsubaki silently snuck past them to go to her room. She left her bag – still her old blue satchel from Japan – on the desk and threw herself on her bed. Months later, and the bounce back was still funny to her. And, truth be told, she didn’t want to go back too sleeping on a futon.

She didn’t want to go back, period.

Closing her eyes, she thought about that week she had passed at Angel’s End. Working on the house with Liz and occasionally Maka, taking care of Patti, chatting with Black Star, all had been so fulfilling, like she had never felt before. Some nights, they had played monopoly and everyone but her cheated, so Blake had taught her how to cheat too. He had promised that, come spring, he would also teach her how to drive and how to ride a horse. It was something she was avidly looking forward to: each day passed at the ranch was a day she learned something new, and got closer to the people there.

She was _wanted_ there, and the same couldn’t be said about back at her home.

Tsubaki didn’t want to go back. She wanted to stay, learn more things from Mrs. Albarn, cook with Liz, laugh with Maka, hide cookies from Mr. Albarn; she wanted to receive hugs from Patti and talk to Black Star without feeling guilty because of the increasing number of butterflies in her stomach.

She wanted to stay, but she didn’t know _how_.

From the top of her coat-hanger, the chameleon witch hat she had bought on impulse seemed to be laughing at her. What a strange thought to have.

From the kitchen, Marie was still talking out loud, and yet she was still able to hear Azusa’s unstoppable tipping. The lawyer was probably working on that case she-

_Oh._

Maybe the hat _was_ laughing at her, because Tsubaki was an _idiot_.

_Azusa is a lawyer._

Before she lost her courage, Tsubaki jumped from her bed and ran to the kitchen. Marie had stopped pacing, and was now sitting at the table with a coffee mug in her hands.

“…and then _Franken_ said… Oh, Tsubaki, didn’t see ya coming,” the blonde greeted her.

That made Azusa finally raise her head and put down her earbuds. “Hello, Tsubaki. How was school today?”

“It was fine, I just… I need to talk to you. Both of you, actually.”

To her credit, Azusa didn’t even hesitate before closing her laptop to give her her full attention. “Of course. Please, sit with us.”

She chose the chair opposite to Marie, who gave her an encouraging smile, took a deep breath, and started talking.

Tsubaki started with her arranged marriage, and judging by Azusa’s expression, she could tell her grandmother hadn’t told her about it yet. Marie was frowning as much as the lawyer, and the effect was scarier because of her eye-patch.

She finished timidly telling them about not wanting to go back, but not knowing what to do to stay, and sent an imploring look to Azusa.

Before the lawyer could say anything, a crash came from the opposite side of the table: porcelain shards and coffee stains were covering the wood, and Marie was absently flexing her fingers.

“Sorry about that, Yumi.”

“No problem, but clean your mess.”

“Did you…” Tsubaki blinked a few times, trying to make sense of the scene. “Did you just break the mug?”

“Yeah, I held it with too much strength.”

“It… _It was porcelain._ ”

“I have anger issues,” Marie shrugged, standing up and collecting the shards. “I can’t believe they are still forcing girls to marry in the 21st century, this has to be illegal. Is it illegal?”

“Here? Yes. There? I have no idea,” Azusa answered, giving Tsubaki a strange sense of _deja vu. “_ You cut your hand, go wash it and try not to break the sink in the process.”

Mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like ‘It was one time!’, Marie threw the shards in the trash before going to the bathroom. With a heavy sigh, Azusa took off her glasses so she could rub her eyes with the heels of her hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Tsubaki?”

She lowered her head, facing the table in shame. “I only decided to stay now. I was… I was intending to go back, actually.”

“Oh, Tsubaki,” Azusa sighed, but thankfully, she didn’t insist on the point. It was one of the things she loved about the older woman: how she never pushed her. “It was probably for the best. If you had told us before making up your mind, Marie would probably have kidnapped you or something.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” denied the other woman, entering the kitchen while rolling a bandage around her hand. “I would have insisted on you coming to see me to have a talk, though.”

While the blonde started to wipe the table with a cloth, Tsubaki dared to ask the question that was killing her:

“Do you think I’ll be able to stay?”

Azusa’s frown disappeared. He put her glasses back and assumed her professional face.

“It’s not impossible. You’re absolutely _not_ going to resort to a green card wedding, but you still have other options. Your student visa will expire by the end of the school year, so we have only a few months to work this out.”

“I don’t… I don’t have money to pay for your services now, Azusa, but I’ll definitely…!”

“Don’t even think about that,” Azusa interrupted, her tone of voice leaving no place for argument. She put her hand over Tsubaki’s, in a rare but welcomed show of affection. “There’s no way I’ll stand by and watch you be sent back to Japan for an arranged marriage, Tsubaki. I’ll work _pro bono_.”

“But…!”

“Give up, ‘subaki,” Marie cheerfully interrupted. “You can’t change Azusa’s mind once she has made a decision. You’re our friend, and before that, a young woman trying to find her place in the world without support from her family. We are not going to charge you a cent.”

It took her a few seconds to process Marie’s words.

“ _We?”_

“Of course,” the other woman nodded. Marie sat by her side and held her other hand. “My office’s door is always open to you, ‘subaki. Whenever you feel like you need to talk to someone or maybe just vent, you can come to me.”

“You are not alone, Tsubaki,” Azusa vehemently said, squeezing her hand.

She had said those words before, but it was the first time that Tsubaki truly believed them.

“Thank you,” she sobbed, before lowering her head. The tears started to fall copiously, but for the first time in her life, they didn’t bother her.

The salt in her lips tasted like hope.

* * *

In the first week of March, Tsubaki entered the school cafeteria only to find Black Star and Maka bickering on their usual table. It was so rare for her to encounter Blake in school that sometimes she even forgot he also went there.

“This is new,” she commented, sitting by Maka’s side.

“He can’t skip any more classes, or he won’t graduate,” Maka snickered, and a muffled thud followed by her cursing told Tsubaki that Black Star had kicked her under the table. “Hey, don’t blame me, you brought this on yourself.”

“Shut up, short-stuff,” he mumbled, before sending Tsubaki a guilty glance. “It’s not that bad.”

“It _is_ that bad,” Maka contradicted. To Tsubaki, she added: “He’s failing all of his classes.”

“ _I ain’t falling all my classes!”_ he hissed through clenched teeth, but the slight blush on his cheeks told her otherwise.

“I can help you study, Black Star,” she offered, making him stare at her in absolute awe.

Before he could express his gratitude, however, Maka let out a loud snort.

“Yeah, can’t see how you are going to get anything done while staring disgustedly at each other, but go off I guess.”

“Maka!”

“One day,” Blake started, slowly. “One day you’re going to be pining after a boy, and I’m going to make your life _hell.”_

 _That_ only made Maka laugh harder.

“Yeah, fat chance of that.”

“Ya just _wait._ ”

They resumed their bickering, but this time there was a small smile on the corner of Black Star’s lips, and even Maka’s eyes looked softer. Tsubaki decided it was in her best interest to focus on her _bento_ and not think about the implications that Blake had just confessed that he was pining after her.

* * *

The next weekend she went to Angel’s End, she met Kyle Rung once again. They arrived at the ranch at the same time: she was riding shotgun with Spirit, and he was on his old truck.

“Suzanne called me,” he explained, after shaking her hand. “She needs me to fill in for Black Star.”

“Is he sick?”

“Only if stupidity is a disease,” Maka commented from the veranda, shaking her head. “He needs to _study_. Mamma heard you were coming again and gave him a free afternoon so you can help him.”

Kyle laughed. “Oh, I bet he’s pissed.”

Maka grinned. “You have _no_ idea. Come in.”

As expected, it was with a murderous intensity that they found Black cleaning the crumbs from the dinner table. Upon hearing their steps, he turned around ready to let out a few profanities about the injustice of the American Educational System, only to lock eyes with Tsubaki and choke on his own spit.

“Hmm, hi.”

“Hi.”

“God, you guys are terrible,” Maka snorted, passing them to go directly to the mud room to put on her boots. “Come, Kyle, before you caught their stupidity.”

He gave them a funny look but followed the youngest Albarn. “Am I missing something here or…?”

“Get out! And don’t screw up my work!” Black Star barked, and Kyle and Maka’s laughter could be heard from the outside.

Spirit also chuckled. “I will just grab my leftovers and leave you kids to it,” he said, before going to the oven and putting out a plate covered with a kitchen towel. “I’m going to eat outside, so you can start already.”

“Traitors and idiots, all of ya,” Blake mumbled in response, making the Sheriff laugh while exiting the kitchen.

Tsubaki also giggled, giving the boy a tentative smile. “Shall we start, then?”

* * *

Later, while observing Black Star focusing on his Math problems, a deep frown between his eyebrows, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, Tsubaki finally admitted to herself that she found him quite handsome.

And that she would really, really like to kiss him.

Oh boy.

She was in deep trouble.

* * *

Technically, it was already Spring, but the last weekend of March was still cold as hell. There was no snow falling, however, so this time Tsubaki had to content herself with watching the first tentative fireflies of the season coming out in the dark lawn.

“ _You gotta be kidding me.”_

Grinning, her only response was to unfold half of the blanket so he could join her once again.

“It’s 2 a.m., Sue.”

“I’m not sleepy.”

He mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, but just as she had expected, he sat on the chair by her side and pushed the blanket to this chest.

They stayed in silence for a while. It was not one of those heavy, tense silences where no one seemed to know what to say and had too much – or too little – in mind. No, this was just two friends sharing a blanket in the dead of the night, and letting their unspoken feelings fill the spaces.

Because he had known he was a goner at the first moment he saw her, in the middle of a breakdown in a dark corner of a stock show, when the light shone just right on her face, just enough for him to see that there was a little blue in her dark eyes.

And she had fallen so slowly and naturally that she couldn’t have possibly stopped it. Maybe it was her starving heart that couldn’t resist the attention and care that was being promised, but she preferred to believe that it wasn’t just that. Black Star was special: he irradiated a feeling, a promise that good things could happen as long as she stayed by his side for the ride.

And Gods, she wanted that ride.

“How’s Spring back home?” he suddenly asked.

She told him about the sakura trees blooming, the beginning of the school year with new uniforms and skirts that always ended a few centimeters shorter than the school’s code permitted. She told him that the river students always walked by in animes was the Arakawa, in Tokyo, but that she had never seen it personally, never did the cliché walk because she had never left Hokkaido before coming here.

She told him she had chosen not to go back.

“ _Thank God!”_ he breathed. Black Star threw his head back, closed his eyes, and found her hand under the blanket.

She was the one who squeezed his fingers this time.

* * *

When April started, Azusa asked her to skip one day of school so they could work on her Visa request. It came as a bit of a surprise, but she immediately agreed.

She left her school satchel on the kitchen table and put her wallet on her jacket’s pocket. “Where are we going?”

And to her complete surprise, the lawyer answered: “To Angel’s End, to talk to Suzanne.”

“Why?”

“Because you need a job offer to put on your request, and Suzanne’s our best option right now.”

After so many months of spending weekends at Angel’s End, coming and going with different members of the Albarn family, she had got used to the small trip through the bumpy road. It was the first in months that Tsubaki felt her stomach doing gymnastics inside her body. She didn’t doubt Suzanne would help them, but the guilt was chewing her from the inside. To ask so much of a family that already worked so hard…

_No matter where you go, you’ll always be a bother._

Sometimes, she wished she could punch her own mind. Maybe that was what Marie meant by having anger issues. Maybe she did need to talk to the psychologist…

“We are here.”

Shaking her head in a vain attempt to clear her thoughts, Tsubaki got out of the car, at the same time Suzanne appeared on the veranda.

“Right on time, Yumi.”

“I know you have a busy day, so we’ll try not to take too much of your time, Suzanne,” Azusa promised, already marching to the house.

For some reason, she couldn’t find the strength to do the same.

“Sue?” Mrs. Albarn called gently, and Tsubaki wished the ground would open under her feet. “It’s okay, darlin’. I wanna help you, so don’t be ashamed.”

Discreetly wiping the tears from her eyes, she mumbled a _‘thank you_ ’ in Japanese before following the two women inside.

There was a stack of papers waiting for them on the kitchen table.

“I did as you told me, Yumi, but please check it,” Mrs. Albarn said, pulling a chair.

“Of course. I will need only a few minutes.”

“Take your time,” Suzanne said, smiling at her, which made Tsubaki lower her head. “This is important.”

“Mrs. Albarn, I’m _so sorry_ for asking you this…”

“Hey, it’s okay, darlin’,” she said, offering her once again her blue handkerchief. “I want to help you. Life hasn’t been fair to you, and you deserve to choose your own path.”

She accepted the kerchief and delicately wiped the tears from under her eyes. Tsubaki gave uncertain looks to both Azusa and Suzane, who were watching her with caring expressions on their faces.

“How could I ever repay you?”

Azusa only shook her head, as if saying there was no need for it, but Suzanne’s hands found hers over the table and held them tightly.

“Just be happy, darlin’.”

* * *

“Okay, you’re doin’ good. Now, what’s the first thing you need to do?”

“Hit the gas?”

“Nope, you have to check your mirrors. Always check the mirrors before doin’ anything, Sue.”

“Oh, right, _right._ ”

Taking a deep breath, Tsubaki checked both the outside and the rear-view mirrors, making sure there was no one or anything behind her, before hitting the clutch and gearing the car in reverse. She slowly let go of the clutch pedal, accelerating just a little, and the car started to move backwards.

“Okay, now remember: it ain’t that different from before. You want to throw the boot to the right, you move the steering wheel to the right. Go _slowly_.”

While she was practically trembling with nervous energy, Black Star seemed mostly unfazed on the passengers' seat. Probably because his left hand was firmly grabbing the hand break, ready to stop the car in case anything went wrong.

She let the clutch go a little more, the car loudly trembled under her feet, and then it went dead.

Again.

Groaning, she let her forehead rest against the steering wheel, while Black Star chuckled at her side.

“Why did the car die, Sue?”

“Because I released the clutch too fast?”

“And you weren’t accelerating enough. You have to do both at the same time.”

She groaned again, letting out a few improprieties in Japanese as well. That never failed on making Black Star laugh, so that was exactly what he did.

“Oh, come on, you’re doing fine for the first try. Do you want me to tell ya how many times Maka let the car die on her first day?”

“How many?” she mumbled.

“ _Twenty-three.”_

She snorted, peaking at him from under her bangs. “Okay, that’s a lot.”

“Told ya,” he grinned. “Again?”

She sat straight and grabbed the wheel firmly. “Again.”

* * *

“Can I still stay with you?”

The question clearly caught Azusa by surprise. She was sitting on the couch with Tsubaki, her laptop on her lap, half working and half watching the movie with her.

“I thought you would want to stay with Suzanne.”

She loved going to Angel’s End, she loved helping with the house work, she loved passing time with Maka and Black Star. More than that, she had to work to pay for Mrs. Albarn's kindness, and Azusa had warned them that there would probably be people coming to check if she was really working there.

“Not the whole time. I mean, I still have to stay on the ranch like you said, but I was thinking maybe a few times during the week.”

“Oh…?”

“If everything turns out all right, I would like to go to the community college, and further my education...”

“Of course,” Azusa nodded, understanding. “I enjoy having you here, so of course you can stay.”

“ _Really?”_

“ _Really. And not only to practice my Japanese,”_ Azusa said, smiling. “ _Having you here is much less… lonely.”_

Oh. She had never considered that before. She had never considered that she had one more thing in common with Yumi.

But those were not words that needed to be said out loud.

“ _I’m also a convenient distraction for when Marie comes barging in here demanding attention,”_ she smartly pointed, making Azuna grin in return.

“ _I’m not confirming nor denying anything.”_

Laughing, Tsubaki turned back to the TV. After a few minutes, Azusa closed her laptop, moved it to the coffee table, and absently commented that Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan Kenobi had been her crush from adolescence.

Tsubaki declared herself a Han Solo fangirl. Azusa agreed it was very valid.

They both groaned when Anakin’s sand monologue started.

* * *

April was ending, the clock was ticking, and Tsubaki sought out Marie’s advice.

Her office in college was small but cozy. There was a comfortable sofa with colorful pillows where the students could sit, a jar of candies on her desk, some really realistic plastic plants here and there. ‘I’ve killed every plant I ever tried to take care of,’ Marie had explained. She wasn’t surprised.

There was a box of Kleenex strategically positioned in the corner of her table, closer to the couch, and Tsubaki mentally complimented Marie’s foresight.

The psychologist was reclining on her chair, seeming more at ease than Tsubaki had ever seen her before, ready to listen.

And so she told her about the deadline approaching.

“So you have made up your mind about staying, but you haven’t informed your parents yet,” Marie summarized. “Are you waiting for them to bring up your return first?”

Tsubaki inclined her head back, staring at the ceiling. “Yes, that too, but… I’m afraid.”

“Of what, exactly?”

“I can imagine what their reactions will be. I know what I’m doing means, but… I don’t want to hear them saying it.”

“It means you’re taking your life in your own hands, ‘suebaki,” Marie declared, firmly. “You were forced to this situation, never forget that.”

“I _know_ that, but… That’s not how they’ll see it.” She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths. “They’ll see it as _me_ abandoning _them_. I’m the one who is breaking apart from the family.”

Marie was silent for a few moments after that, thinking.

“I don’t want to assume anything about your family or your culture, but the truth of the matter is that you were a child being coerced to marry. A _child_ , Tsubaki.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to feel guilty about breaking this arrangement, because it was a decision you took considering your mental health and your happiness. And those two things, your happiness and your safety, _those_ should be your parents’ priority. That was their duty as your parents.”

“I know.”

“So what’s really the problem, ‘subaki?” she gently prodded.

And Tsubaki’s heart broke.

“They already let go of me once, when they made the promise. And I know they will let me go again after I tell them,” she covered her face, trying hard to hold back her tears. “They are going to abandon me _twice_.”

Marie offered her the box of Kleenex. “And even knowing that, you chose to stay. Why?”

She thought about everything that had happened in the past year.

_Are you making pleasant memories, Tsubaki?_

_Yes, yes I am, Masamune, you bastard._

“Because if I stay, I know I won’t be abandoned a third time.”

* * *

When the call came on the last day of April, Tsubaki was ready for it.

“ _Good morning, Tsubaki.”_

“ _Good night to you, father.”_

“ _How have you been?”_

“ _Very well, father, thanks for asking. How about you? And mother?”_

“ _We are all in good health. And so is your brother,”_ he added with a noticeable reprehend in his tone.

“I _’m glad to hear that,”_ was all she commented back. If her father didn’t approve her lack of apology, he decided to not insist on the subject.

“ _Masamune informed me the school year is close to an end,”_ he started. Yes, of course Masamune would be helpful like that. _“I suppose you have already started to look for plane tickets for your return. Let me know about it so I can send you the money. How soon do you think you will be back?”_

Across the room, from the top of her coat hanger, the chameleon witch hat was pointing its tongue at her. Tsubaki remembered how alone and desperate she had felt back on Halloween, the first time she had realized how much she didn’t want to get married. Desperate enough to buy an ugly hat just to feel included.

And finally, she understood why Masamune had suggested the trip: he had wanted her to feel exactly like that. Trapped and alone in a foreign country, where she could taste freedom and a life he thought she would never have the courage to fight to have.

Well, it seemed like she would have to thank her dear old brother after all.

“ _Tsubaki?”_

“ _I’m not going back, father.”_

There were a few instants of silence in the line.

“ _Tsubaki.”_ She closed her eyes and trembled under the severity of his tone. He had talked like that to Masamune many times in the past, but never with her. _“Tsubaki, this isn’t a funny joke. Your fiance is waiting for your return. Your marriage…”_

“ _It’s not my marriage,”_ she interrupted. It was the first time in her life she had ever interrupted one of her parents. _“It’s a marriage you arranged thinking it would be the best for me. But I don’t want to marry, father, and honestly, I doubt Mifune-san wants to either. I want to study, work, and choose with whom I’m going to start a family.”_

“ _Now listen to me, child,”_ his voice was reverberating like a thunder. She could almost see her mother’s tear-stained face at this point. _“We gave our word when we promised you in marriage. To a good family, may I add, so there’s no need to be so ungrateful. If you want to study or work, you can discuss that with your husband in the future. Right now, you’re going to pack your things, and be back to Japan on the next flight available.”_

She didn’t know she was still hanging on a last thread of hope until it broke under her fingers.

“ _If I go back… If I go back, you are going to force me to marry, aren’t you?”_

“ _Tsubaki, are you listening to me? You’ll come back, and you will marry Mifune-san. The sooner the better, it seems. I should never had allowed you to take this trip, if you’re going to start acting like a-”_

“ _No.”_

There was silence once again, and mumbled whispers in the back.

“ _Tsubaki,”_ her father’s tone was cautious now, almost scared. _“Tsubaki, you can’t be serious. You can’t stay. This is your country, your home, your family. Mifune-san and you are a good match, you’ll be happy together. If I didn’t believe that, I would never have agreed to this marriage.”_

What pained her the most was to know that her father believed that. He truly believed he had secured her happiness. She had always thought he was a good father, right?

“ _Tsubaki?”_

“ _I won’t go back,”_ she whispered. _“I’ve made up my mind. I’ll choose my own path from now on, father. Thank you for everything.”_

“ _Tsubaki, wait!”_ he exclaimed, maybe feeling she was about to hang up. There was noise in the line, and then she heard her mothers voice:

“ _Tsubaki?”_

It was too much. Her tears finally started to fall.

“ _Mother.”_

“ _Tsubaki, please come back home. I can’t take this anymore, I can’t have you alone out there with only Azusa as company.”_

But she didn’t have only Azusa. She also had Marie, Maka, Suzanne, Spirit, Liz, Patti, Kyle, and Blake, her Black Star. And she was sure she had told her mother about all of them, at some point or another. Apparently, she hadn’t cared enough to register them as important to her.

And she had thought that the conversation couldn’t break her heart any further.

“ _I’m not alone, mother, and I’ll never be. But I won’t go back. I’m happy here.”_

“ _You don’t love your family anymore, Tsubaki? We mean nothing to know now?”_

“ _I love you, mother,”_ she whispered. Whispering was safer than speaking, because she wanted to cry out so badly, but her voice couldn’t fail now. She couldn’t show weakness, there must be no crack on her wall while she made her stand. _“I love you and father so much. And Masamune too. But I must love myself first, and I have to do what’s best for me, what makes me happy. I can’t go back if it means being forced to marry. I will stay.”_

“ _You know the consequences, Tsubaki.”_

Her voice was pure grief.

“ _Yes, I know. Goodbye, mother.”_

She let the phone fall from her fingers and curled herself in bed, finally crying as loudly as she could. After only a few minutes, there was a hesitant knock on her door, followed by Azusa’s entrance. She sat on the bed, gently pulling Tsubaki’s head to her lap, and started to rub slow circles on her back.

“ _It’s okay, it’s fine, you’re going to be fine. We are here for you.”_

She cried harder.

* * *

In the days that followed, half of her family took turns calling her. She would always patiently listen, only to repeat her decision in the end. Each time it happened, it became easier for her to go to the process.

Her father called Azusa too, at some point. She wasn’t present to hear what words were exchanged, but there was steel in Azusa’s eyes when she informed her that her father wouldn’t be calling again so soon.

Masamune was the only one who never tried to contact her, and that’s what scared her the most.

* * *

She gave her parents a week to save face, to come up with whatever excuse they wanted to use to terminate their betrothal. And after a week of no contact from Mifune, she took the matter into her own hands and called him.

She was afraid he wouldn’t pick up the phone, but he accepted the call on the second ring.

“ _Tsubaki-san.”_

“ _Mifune-san.”_

“ _This is a surprise.”_

“ _Have you heard?”_

“ _Of your decision? Yes. Hence the surprise you would call me.”_

He didn’t sound judgmental. His voice was calm and almost emotionless – as it always had. Nothing in him made her frustrated and nervous like when she was with Black Star.

“ _You have been nothing but kind to me, Mifune-san. You deserved the courtesy of hearing it from me that this isn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong.”_

“ _Oh?”_

“ _This is about me. About what I want for my life. Maybe I’m being selfish, but-”_

“ _You aren’t being selfish, Tsubaki-san. I understand.”_

“ _You- you do?”_

“ _Yes, I do. I hope you find the happiness you’re looking for, Tsubaki-san.”_

“ _Thank you, Mifune-san. I hope you find your happiness, too.”_

“ _Thank you. Goodbye, Tsubaki-san.”_

“ _Goodbye, Mifune-san.”_

She put the phone down considering that, maybe in another universe, another life, they could have been happy together. Mifune was really a good person.

But in this life, in this universe, she could only think that, the next time she finally saw Black Star, there wouldn’t be the shadow of another person between them.

* * *

He skipped school on Friday, so it was only her and Patti in the back of the sheriff’s car while Maka babbled non-stop with her dad about the graduation ceremony next week. She had already graduated once, and wasn’t that excited, but Maka was invested enough for both of them. Patti was half asleep and drooling on her shoulder, but Tsubaki paid no mind to her.

She could only think about one thing.

It was only sheer force of will that stopped her from running to the house once they arrived. She left her things in Maka’s room, as always, and before the other girl could even finish climbing the steps, she was already racing down the stairs to the kitchen.

Liz was the only one there, finishing up dinner. “Oh, hey Sue! Heard you put an end to that arranged marriage nonsense, good for ya!”

“Thanks. Hmm, where’s Black Star?”

“Oh?” Liz’s perfectly shaped eyebrows raised, and she grinned. “I knew it!”

“ _Liz!”_

“Outside, running fences I think. But wait a sec-”

“Nope.”

Without waiting for another jab, she dashed through the kitchen’s door. She was still learning how to drive and they hadn’t gotten to the part of trying to teach her how to ride a horse, so running would have to do it.

If he was running fences, she knew more or less from which direction he would be coming back. Taking a deep breath, she started jogging to the pasture, and to her luck she saw him in the distance.

“Blake!”

He heard her, and quickly steered the horse back to her. He dismounted once he was close enough, probably because it was rude to talk down from a horse, but she was already climbing the wood fence to meet him halfway,

“Hey, Sue, what’s goin’ on?”

“I ended it,” she said, breathless. She was still on the fence, he was almost close enough. “I talked to him, I ended everything. It’s done.”

The horse’s harness slipped through his fingers but he paid no mind. Grinning, he firmly grabbed one of the rails and pulled himself up on the fence. Still a head lower than her – perfect.

“Does that mean-”

She interrupted by pressing her lips against his.

Tsubaki had no idea what she was doing, so she just closed her eyes and kept that warm pressure going. To Black Star’s credit, his reaction took less than a second, and she felt him pressing his lips back.

It was awkward and chaste, but judging by the way the butterflies that had been hanging around her stomach for the past few months now erupted in cheers, she would dare to say it was a perfect first kiss.

She pulled back just a little, just to see his face.

His eyes were full of adoration.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

* * *

“What if I can’t get my green card?” Tsubaki asked that night, after dinner.

Spirit only shrugged. 

“You stay anyway.”

“But-!”

“Well, I ain’t telling the cops. Are you?”

Her only response was to hug him.

* * *

One month later, Tsubaki, Maka and Liz were in the kitchen baking brownies with Mrs. Albarn. Patti usually would be running around the table and trying to scoop a few spoons of batter, but today she was passed out on the couch and was snoring the lunch away.

“I just don’t get it. I always follow your recipe, why doesn’t mine never turn out as good as yours?” Liz complained, pouring the batter in a cake pan.

Suzanne grinned. “That’s a mother’s thing.”

“If I have to wait until I’m a mother for my baking to taste good, I’m screwed,” Maka wrinkled her nose, carrying the used utensils to the sink. “I ain’t getting married anytime soon.”

Tsubaki never felt so happy relating to something before.

“Amen to that.”

Both Maka and Liz laughed hard at her response.

“Did ya hear that, momma? Tsubaki said ‘amen’!”

“I heard,” the older woman grinned. “Are we goin’ to make a Christian out of ya, Sue?”

“We’ll see,” the Japanese girl answered, shrugging. She would add some other witty comment, but she was interrupted by the phone ringing.

She was the closest to it, but she had never answered it before. Not here. Tsubaki hesitated and glanced at Mrs. Albarn, who only smiled.

“Go ahead, darlin’. You’re family now.”

Gratitude embraced her like a warm blanket, and she was smiling when she answered the phone.

“Angel’s End, Sue speaking.”

“ **We have a situation, Tsubaki.”**

Those words ripped off the smile from her face.

“ _Azusa-san? You said… You said we wouldn’t have a return from the green card request anytime soon-”_

“ **Calm down, Tsubaki. You switched to Japanese again.”**

“Oh, sorry.”

“ **It’s not about your case.”** Azusa made a pause, allowing her to breathe once again. It was fine: nothing had gone wrong yet, she still had a chance.

“What happened, then?”

“ **You have a visitor.”** Before she could even wonder who could be looking for her at Azusa’s place, the lawyer continued. “ **It’s your ex-fiance. Mifune is here.”**

Tsubaki’s first reaction was to think it was a sick joke, but she quickly remembered that Azusa didn’t have a sense of humor. Could this be a mistake? But what’s the chance of another Mifune coming knocking at Azusa’s door? Could it be a prank? She hadn’t told anyone, not even Maka, her ex-fiance’s name. The only option left was…

“Gods,” she whispered, slowly sitting down again. Her expression alerted the other girls of the gravity of the conversation, because the three stopped what they were doing to watch her, worried looks on their faces. “What is he doing here?”

“ **He said he was sent by both of your families to persuade you to go back with him.”**

“ _What?”_ But he had said… He had wished her happiness…

Why was he doing this _now_?

She could almost hear Masamune chuckling.

_Did you really think you could escape?_

_I told you before, Tsubaki, you have no choice in the matter._

“ **Tsubaki?”**

He had no right.

“I’ll talk to him,” she answered, firmly. “I’m afraid that if I don’t do it, my family will do something harsher.” _Masamune definitely would._

“ **Well thought out. Are you coming back here or should I send him to Angel’s End?”**

Tsubaki turned to Mrs. Albarn. She was clearly confused and preoccupied, but she had said she was family.

“Mrs. Albarn? Can I tell my ex-fiance to come here so I can give him a piece of my mind?”

Both Maka and Liz spluttered indignant ‘ _what?’_ s, but Suzanne Albarn just gave her a big, conspiratorial and spiteful smile. “Of course, darlin’. We’ll give him a reception he won’t forget.”

Tsubaki transmitted the answer to Azusa, and heard the lawyer letting out a heavy sigh.

“ **I might as well drive him. Maybe I can stop Suzanne from committing a murder.”**

* * *

Azusa’s dread was misplaced, because while Suzanne was emanating calm from her chair, Black Star was pacing around the living room ready to rip out someone’s throat. Patti cheerfully said that ‘Blake was a panther in a cage’, and she wasn’t wrong.

Guilt was burning Tsubaki from the inside: she didn’t think about how her boyfriend would react when she told Azusa to bring Mifune. If Black Star did something stupid… She couldn’t tell if the fact that the Sheriff was present was bad or good in that situation.

After she explained the situation, Suzanne had called her husband and urged him back home. It was a family emergency, she’d said.

Tsubaki allowed herself to hug the woman and mumble some profanities under her breath, asking herself why things had to get complicated once again, when everything seemed to finally be falling into place.

She was about to ask Black Star to stop pacing around and come sit at her side, when the sound of rubber against gravel froze everyone in place.

They had arrived.

Tsubaki sent a pleading look to Blake, but he was already crossing the room with large steps and coming to stand by her side, holding her hand tightly.

“We are here.”

Her answer was interrupted by a polite knock on the door. Spirit was the one who opened it.

“Azusa.”

“Spirit.”

The lawyer came in first, and her face was anything but friendly. Her ex fiance came after her, politely excusing himself for the interruption.

Mifune was exactly like she remembered. Tall and lean, long grayish hair, heavy and expressionless eyes. That didn’t mean, by any means, that he wasn’t aware: she observed how he calmly assessed the room, taking note of the angry teenagers, Patti hiding behind Liz’s legs, Suzanne getting up to face him, Black Star’s hand holding hers.

“Thank you for receiving me,” he said to Mrs. Albarn. His English had a heavy accent, more than she had when she first arrived in the country. His tone was also as she remembered: calm, almost absent.

Whatever it was that Suzanne was expecting from him, his polite disinterest clearly wasn’t it.

“Can’t say we are happy to see you,” she crossed her arms, frowning. “And let me make myself clear: you aren’t going to take ‘suebaki from here without her consent.”

He simply nodded. “That’s not why I came.”

Tsubaki took a step forward, and Blake followed suit.

“But Azusa said you came to convince me to go back.”

“ _Tsubaki-san,”_ he greeted her with a small nod. “Our parents sent me here for that reason, under the threat of disinheriting us both.”

“What?” she exclaimed, and she wasn’t the only one. Even Spirit and Azusa shared a surprise look from behind her ex-fiance back.

“That’s why they sent me, but it’s not the reason why I came.” And to Tsubaki most absolute and complete disbelief, he bowed to her, keeping his back straight and his arms glued to his body. “I came to offer my apologies.”

“ _Mifune-san,”_ she whispered, her eyes wide. Behind her, Maka and Liz were mumbling about how nothing was making sense anymore.

“I don’t have the right words in English,” he said, before continuing in Japanese: “ _This whole mess of a situation is my fault. You were just a child, but I’m five years older, I should have put an end to this nonsense of marriage before, I should have taken all the responsibility. I’ve always known that I have no interest in marriage. Because of my lack of action, you were forced to break from your family and be shamed and desinhered, when I was the only one who should have taken that burden. I offer you my sincerest apologies.”_

“What did he say?” Black Star asked her, but her only reaction was to look at Azusa. The lawyer had the same dumbfounded expression, but only for a moment – she quickly regained her wits and pointed at Mifune, urging Tsubaki to answer.

“Please raise your head, _Mifune-san_ . I accept your apology.” She waited until he was facing her again, before bowing her own head. “ _And I also apologize. As you said, I’ve known for a while I had no interest in our marriage. If I had sought you out sooner, back when we were still in Japan, or even if I had contacted you before I made my decision, we could have avoided so many problems for us both.”_

“ _I accepted your apology, although I don’t think it’s necessary. As I said, I’m the only one to blame.”_

“Okay, can someone please tell what they are saying?” Black Star blurted, practically shaking with nervous energy behind her.

“ _Blake,”_ Suzanne reprimanded him.

“It’s okay, Mrs. Albarn,” she said, before turning to her boyfriend. “Sorry to worry you, but we were apologizing for our mistakes to each other. And that conversation had to be private.”

He frowned. “And he’s not here to take you back?”

“No,” Tsubaki and Mifune answered at the same time.

Still annoyed, Blake gave Mifune the stink eye. “Sounds like somethin’ you could have called her about, instead of comin’ all the way here.”

“I also came to check if Tsubaki was safe.”

That answer disarmed whatever nasty retort Black Star had in mind, and he only stared at his – former? Not really? - love rival in bewilderment.

“Please, explain,” Spirit asked.

For the first time, Mifune let his face show how exhausted and preoccupied he was.

“I was worried that, to not go back to an arranged marriage, she could end in a dangerous situation here. It would have been my fault. I didn’t know Azusa-san, and her mother refused to tell me anything about her friends here.” He once again looked around the room, but this time there was a small smile on the corner of his lips. “But it seems she found a good family for herself. I don’t need to worry now.”

Tsubaki had promised to herself that she wouldn’t cry today, but his genuine concern for well-being almost made her choke.

“ _Thank you, Mifune-san,”_ she said, this time bowing her head in gratitude.

He followed her gesture. _“I also have to thank you. Because of your courage, Tsubaki-san, you set us both free.”_

It was Tsubaki’s time to worry.

“What do you mean by that?”

He shrugged, trying to appear un-preoccupied, but she was learning how to read him. “If I go back, they will try to push me to another marriage.”

“ _What’s wrong with your families??”_

“ _Maka!”_

To everyone’s surprise, Mifune actually smiled. “Many things are wrong with our families. For instance, both Tsubaki and me are no longer considered their children. If I go back to Japan and still refuse to marry, there will be nothing for me there.”

“What are you going to do now?” Suzanne asked, frowning.

“I have a six month tourist visa. I will try to find a job. If anything, I can always go back to Japan and move to another district.”

“This whole thing sounds like a Telenovela,” Liz commented, probably no longer being able to hold herself back. Sue had to agree that the situation was so dramatic that it was almost ridiculous.

Mifune wasn’t offended. “I don’t know what you mean.” Turning back to Mrs. Albarn, he added: “I’m sorry for intruding like this, but it was important that I talked to Tsubaki. I’ll be leaving now.”

To everyone’s surprise – and that seemed to be the mood for the day – Suzanne shook her head.

“You and Azusa should stay for supper.” Noticing his confused expression, she grinned. “It’s the least I can do after being so rude earlier. Understand, we thought you had come to take Sue from us.”

He only nodded, clearly not following her train of thoughts.

“And if you plan to stay in the country, you should probably talk to Azusa about it.”

The said lawyer let out a resigned sigh. “I’ll give him a discount.”

Mifune was quick to thank her, and just like that Spirit and Suzanne had engaged in the conversation and were herding them both back to the kitchen. Tsubaki couldn’t help but remember her first visit to Angel’s End, at Thanksgiving, and how the Albarns had overwhelmed her with attention.

Mifune didn’t stand a chance.

“Dammit, and I was ready to punch the guy,” Black Star mumbled, pulling her to a hug. She hid her face in the crook of his neck and smiled against his skin. “But I can’t even hate him.”

“He seems like a good guy,” Maka agreed.

“Can’t see why he wouldn’t want to marry our Sue, but okay,” Liz shrugged. “It’s better this way.”

“Yes,” Tsubaki agreed, hugging Blake tightly. “It’s better this way.”

* * *

In the strangest turn of events ever, Mifune ended up being hired by Mrs. Albarn too. Once she found out he had experience with cattle, there wasn’t much escape. Suzanne was saying that she had been in need of experienced help for a while now, but in her heart Sue knew the woman just couldn’t _not_ help him. Mifune was now living in the guest house, and he seemed quite happy working with the animals and having a small place just to himself.

One week later after his dreaded arrival, Tsubaki was in the barn with both him and Black Star, watching them work and making small talk, helping Mifune with his English, when Patti suddenly came barging through the doors.

“SUE! PHONECALL!”

“Careful,” it was all Mifune said to the child, without taking his eyes from the cow he was feeding.

“Is it Azusa? Or Marie?” she asked. There weren't many people she knew outside Angel’s End.

Patti shook her head.

“Liz says is your brother.”

A cold shiver made Tsubaki shake a little. Of course. After Mifune decided to support her and stay, Masamune had no options left but to attack her himself.

She had seen this one coming for a while now. Tsubaki knew she was finally ready to confront him.

“Go with her,” Mifune said to Black Star, gesturing in her direction. “Masamune can be nasty.”

It shouldn’t be so satisfactory to hear that, but nevertheless, it was. At the very least, it was validating to know that it was not only her paranoia speaking when she thought bad things about her brother.

Blake didn’t need to be told twice. He rubbed his palms against his jeans and then grabbed her hand.

“Ready to face your brother?”

She squeezed his fingers. “Yes.”

* * *

“ _Tsubaki.”_

“ _Masamune.”_

There was a small pause and she snickered, picturing his surprised face.

“ _Oh, I see what father meant now. You seem to think you’re all grown up now and can make your own choices. But the truth is, you have been a terrible daughter, Tsubaki. Nothing but a disobedient child causing grief to our family.”_

Sue let out the loudest and most fake sigh she could summon.

“ _That’s the best you can do, Masamune? Call me a child and whine about how I hurt our parents?”_

Blake grinned at her, proudly. He had no idea of what she had just said, but he was apparently loving her annoyed expression.

“ _What are you saying, Tsubaki? That you don’t care about how you have shamed-”_

“ _Stop,”_ Tsubaki interrupted. _“Just stop. I don’t care anymore about your poisoned words, Masamune. My life is here, now. You have no power over me anymore.”_

“ _Tsubaki-”_

“ _I thought you would be happy,”_ she said, not even trying to hide the hurt in her voice. _“You never cared about me. You never wanted a sister. Well, now you don’t have one anymore, and you’ll have to find another ‘child’ to torture, like the big bully you have always been.”_

She had expected him to explode at this point, but that wasn’t his style, of course. Masamune had never needed to raise his voice to hurt her with his words.

“ _Do you think it will last? Do you think whoever is taking you in for pity is going to stay by your side? That’s not your place and you know it, Tsubaki. You no longer have a place in this world.”_

Tsubaki looked at Black Star, standing strong at her side, not understanding a word but supporting her nonetheless. Behind him, she found Liz with Patti in her lap, frowning at the phone in her hand as if it was an insect that she needed to step on. Maka and Mrs. Albarn were coming trough the door, maybe alerted by Mifune or by sheer dumb luck.

And she knew exactly what the last words her brother would ever hear her saying had to be.

“ _You’re my brother Masamune, and I’ve always loved you, even knowing you hated me. And for that, I forgive you.”_

“ _You-”_

“But you’re wrong,” she finished, in English. “I’m loved here, and this is my place in the world.”

She hung up before he could say anything else.

They were done.

And because he wouldn’t hear it, she allowed herself to say “ _Goodbye, nii-san,”_ to the phone.

“Ya know,” Black Star commented, already pulling her to a hug. “You're really hot when you’re cursing in Japanese.”

She could only laugh. “I wasn’t cursing.”

“Or so you say.”

“God, you two are still disgusting.”

“Shut up, short stick.”

“You’re just jealous, Maka, because you're single as hell.”

“Shut up, Liz!”

“Now, children, calm down,” Mrs Albarn interrupted, before sending her a gentle gaze. “How are you feeling, Sue darlin’?”

She rested her head against Black Star’s shoulder. “Never been better.”

Because, of course, the time to say ‘I’m fine’ was well past her.

* * *

**Ten years later.**

“ _Jesus freaking Christ, woman, you’re pregnant!”_

As she had done countless times in the past ten years, Tsubaki only grinned, unfolded the blanket, and pulled the other lawn chair closer to hers.

“ _Why_ are you not in bed, Sue?” Black Star whined, but came to sit by her side anyway.

“Because it’s getting increasingly more uncomfortable to sleep with this enormous belly,” she explained, while gently rubbing her stomach. Only a few more months to go, and they would meet their baby. “Why aren’t you asleep, Black Star? You have to be up to work in only a few hours.”

“Missed you in bed,” he shrugged, and his hand found hers under the blanket. “What are we watching tonight?”

She shook her head.

“Tonight we listen,” she explained. Resting her head against his shoulder, she closed her eyes and let the distant melody of Soul’s harmonica fill her, bringing back memories of Mrs. Albarn.

“Oh,” Blake commented, after a few moments. “Didn’t know he played. That’s Soul, right?”

“Yep. And I’m pretty sure I also heard Maka jumping from her window just before you came down.”

He threw back his head, laughing _hard_. “I knew it!”

“I think we can start placing bets on when they’re going to solve all that tension,” she said, grinning.

That only made him laugh harder.

“I knew I had married you for a reason.”

She squeezed his fingers under the blanket.

“I could say the same.”

**Author's Note:**

> You came here for TsuStar (I guess) and I tricked you into reading my 23.5k word fic about the Tsubaki Support Squad, wow.
> 
> "BLUE, I WANTED MORE KISSES AND CUDDLES!" Same, my dude, same. But halfway through it I was convinced the story was writing itself and I was just there to type. 
> 
> Also, a honest confession: I'm not American, English is not my first language, and I have 0 experience writing accents. If any part of the fic felt off for you, it's probably because of that. Feel free to point it out in the comments if you think I should change something in that aspect. 
> 
> Until the next resbang!
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://blueteehood.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/blueteeh)


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